Modern Day Beauty And The Beast Continues Lie About Inner Beauty

Illustration for article titled Modern Day Beauty And The Beast Continues Lie About Inner Beauty

Vanessa Hudgens is joining up with Harrison Ford, Brendan Fraser and Keri Russell, in a modern day NYC retelling of Beauty and The Beast. Hudgens will be the fair maiden, in Beastly.


This reboot will be set in New York, and focuses on a good-looking rich brat with a mean streak. After bailing on a dare he gets cursed by a witch in his English class, and turned into everything he hates. Sooo, if he truly is a super rich NYC kid then one can only assume he turns into a dirty hipster who makes a living reading poetry over machine metal.

The movie is based on Alex Flinn's novel, also titled Beastly, where the main character does indeed turn into some sort of beast, and is forced to find true love, but not through Facebook (because that would be cheating). Along the way he meets other beast-like children and learns a valuable lesson that once you act nice, you can get your good looks back and then everything will be perfect again.

Here's an excerpt from the first chapter, where we meet the gothy witch who puts the mojo on young Kyle:

"Disgusting," the voice repeated. I stopped talking to Trey and looked at where the voice was coming from, this Goth freak sitting in back. She was a fat chick, dressed in the kind of flowing black clothes you usually only see on witches or terrorists (we don't have uniforms at Tuttle; it would piss off the parents not to be able to buy Dolce & Gabbana), and her hair was green. Obviously a cry for help. Weird thing was, I'd never noticed her before. Most people here I'd known my whole life.

The [substitute teacher] was too stupid to ignore her. "What's disgusting, Miss . . . Miss . . ."

"Hilferty," she said. "Kendra Hilferty."

"Kendra, is there something wrong with your desk?"

"There is something wrong with this world." She stood like she was making a speech. "Something very wrong when it's the twenty-first century and this type of elitist travesty is still being perpetuated." She held up her ballot. People giggled.

"It's a ninth-grade dance ballot," Trey volunteered. "To choose the royalty."

"Exactly," the girl said. "Who are these people? Why should they be treated as royalty? Based upon . . . what? The people on this ballot were chosen on one basis and one basis only-physical beauty."

"Sounds like a good basis to me," I said to Trey, not too softly. I stood. "That's BS. Everyone voted, and this is who they chose. It's a democratic process."

Around me there were some thumbs-ups, some Yeah, mans, particularly from Anna or Hannah. But I noticed that a lot of people, mostly the ugly people, were silent.

The girl took a few steps toward me. "They're sheep, following the herd. They vote for the so-called popular people because it's simple. Surface beauty: blond hair, blue eyes"-she was looking at me-"is always easy to recognize. But if someone is braver, stronger, smarter, that's harder to see."

She pissed me off, so I jumped on her. "If someone's so smart, they'd figure out how to get better-looking. You could lose weight, get plastic surgery, even get your face scraped and your teeth bleached." I emphasized the you in the sentence, so she'd know I meant her and not just some general sort of you. "My dad's a network news guy. He says people shouldn't have to look at ugly people."

[Entertainment Tonight]


Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H.

Why don't hot boys ever fall for beastified women? "Beefcake and the Beast", as it were.

The thing about the B&B version shown here (other than the psychotic fans who have apparently grown up and birthed Twi-hards), the Beast never changed his looks. He stayed a big furry guy and didn't magically go back to being a handsome human.