Christopher McQuarrie has shut down Mission Impossible 5 because the ending was, get this, impossible. Or something; we're paraphrasing. But don't worry, Mission Impossible 5 writers, we have some "thoughts."

THR is reporting that MI5 (which I just now realized RHYMES — or, at least, is assonantal) has shut down production in the middle of everything to pause, and re-write the ending. A Paramount insider leaked that "Chris, Tom [Cruise] and a third person wanted to take a minute to get from what they thought was a good place to a more perfect place." That person also says that no one in the studio is really that concerned about it, even though the movie is supposed to come out this July. El oh el, Paramount.

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Anyway, we got you guys covered, because here are five absolutely perfect endings to the new Mission Impossible movie. You're welcome.

Mission Impossible 5 Ending:

  • Ethan Hunt gets shot and then he wakes up and it's the DAY BEFORE!!!
  • Masks, masks, masks!
  • Ethan Hunt absentee fathering a growing young boy in a story that spans over 12 years in real time. Eventually, the two form a real connection.
  • End of the movie: Ethan Hunt is sitting at a stoplight in his Ferrari. Vin Diesel pulls up in a classic 1970 Dodge Charger. Diesel looks to Hunt, whips off his sunglasses, and murmurs something about "unfinished business." *Elaborate chase scene*
  • The scene opens in a remote tropical location (palm trees, tiki huts but mostly abandoned). Nick Fury appears on gorgeous beach in a leather duster (even though no one wears full-length leather dusters anymore). Hunt, just coming off a huge wave, surfs to the shore. He spies Fury, and smiles. Cut to black, Rupert Holmes's "If You Like Pina Coladas" blasts.

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Update: An earlier version of this story credited Jimmy Buffet with the "Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" I was wrong, it was actually by Rupert Holmes. Apologies!