Let's grade cinema and TV's unheralded wizard battles

Illustration for article titled Let's grade cinema and TV's unheralded wizard battles

We've all seen Voldemort duke it out with Dumbledore and Saruman slapping Gandalf silly, but there are plenty more brawling mages deserving of our scrutiny. Here are some magic beat-em-ups, rated purely by the whims of yours truly.

Big Trouble In Little China: Egg Shen Versus Lo Pan
Grade: A+
This battle from 1986 is hands-down the most realistic wizarding clip ever filmed. How do I know? Egg Shen is groaning like crazy. Magic is heavy, like furniture.

The head bad girl was the Spellbinder Ashka, who yelled the show's name a lot and is the subject of what I suspect is the internet's strangest spank reel<\/a>.<\/p>

Sorcerer <\/em><\/a>.<\/p>

about Merlin holding that football team<\/a> hostage in medieval times."<\/p>

Anyway, I always wanted to see them get so miniscule they're fighting as molecules. Like a duel between two angry Riboflavins or something.<\/p>


The Keep <\/em><\/a>because A.) it was super high-concept; and B.) it was edited so poorly it didn't make a damn lick of sense. Here's the ending to the movie. It's so foggy I'm not spoiling anything, trust me.<\/p>

The Manitou<\/em> <\/a>before, but what you really need to know is that a possessed naturist destroys an evil Indian shaman (who was born out of said woman's neck tumor) with a laser blast. In space. With Tony Curtis.<\/p>


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Chris Braak

I think my favorite is the duel between Avatar and Blackwolf in Ralph Bakshi's totally, completely insane Wizards.