Oh, there're some cartoons and anime releases this week, but don't be fooled — crappy movies rule this week's DVD and Blu-ray release list. Some are old, some are new, but they're all terrible. Thank goodness we begin with some professional help — courtesy of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 folks.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vol. XXVII

The newest MST3K set contains: The first season episode The Slime People; an incredibly dire yet boring Cold War “thriller” named Rocket Attack U.S.A. in which a nuke hits New York to the mild annoyance of its residents; Village of the Giants, which is based on H.G. Wells’ novel Food of the Gods but is mostly a device to ogle giant teenage girls dancing in bikinis; and The Deadly Mantis, a classic B-movie that reveals just how ill-prepared we are for giant bug attacks, mostly because everyone is dumb.

Dragons: Riders of Berk Part 1 and 2

The TV cartoon series based on the excellent How to Train Your Dragon movie. I haven’t seen this, but I enjoyed the film — can someone tell me if this is as good, or a pale imitation? Thanks!

Robotech: 2-Movie Collection

Containing the all-right Shadow Chronicles movie from 2006 and “Love Live Alive,” the 1985 Genesis Climber Mospeada OVA series edited with 15 minutes of new animation to become a new Robotech movie. I'm told the new animation is... noticeable.

One Piece: Season Five, Voyage One

The Straw-Hat crew face a battle between crewmates, the disappearance of another, getting framed for attempted murder, the World Government’s deadliest agents, sea trains, and more.

Super Friends Season 5

Twenty-four 7-minute shorts from 1980-81. These are the Zan/Jayna/Gleek ones, not the Marvin/Wendy/Wonder Dog ones, fyi.

Duck Dodgers: Deep Space Duck

A.k.a. Season Two, where Duck faces both Taz and the alien entity known only as… The Fudd.

Case Closed: Season One

That Japanese children’s cartoon about a kid that solves gruesome murders. If you like procedural sand don’t mind anime, it’s actually a lot of fun. The first five season are all on-sale tomorrow for less than $20 each.

Superjail: Season 3

Imagine watching HBO’s acclaimed prison drama Oz while people are injecting LSD directly into your eyeballs. That sums up this Adult Swim cartoon pretty aptly, I think.

Detention of the Dead

We’re just putting any fucking noun in front of “of the Dead” and calling it a zombie movie now, aren’t we?

Viking Saga: The Darkest Day

“Cast into a violent and bloody world of murder, Hereward, a novice monk, must deliver the Holy Gospel of Lindisfarne - a book of great beauty and power - to the safety of the Iona monastery, while being pursued by a Viking death squad hell- bent on its capture. Inspired by true events.” I bet.

Kiss of the Damned

In case you were wondering what Milo Ventimiglia’s been doing since Heroes, the answer is “making mediocre vampire movies.”

Super Robot Wars OG: The Animation

An anime sequel to a Game Boy Advance game.

Legend Has It

I would shocked if this horror-in-the-woods movie is any good, but man, that’s a great evil Bigfoot on the DVD cover.

Alien Paranormal: Bigfoot, UFOs and the Men in Black

Amazon dropped the comma from the title, so I thought this was a crappy documentary about “Bigfoot UFOs” and now I’m sad it isn’t.

Templar Nation

Erik Estrada discovers an ancient Templar’s tomb and gets in the middle of a Templar/Assassin blood feud. Amazon reviewer Hi says, “Great movie! very entertaining movie for families, and freemasons.”