Illustration for article titled ​Jon Snow Knows Nothing, Especially About Pompeii

For the record: Despite the Pompeii movie's tagline, there was plenty of warning, and there was also plenty of time to escape if you took the 48 hours of ash spewing from Vesuvius as, say, a warning of some kind. But yeah, other than that, no warning, no escape."



Jon Snow and his abs fight a volcano. Spoiler: The volcano wins.

Vampire Academy

A 17-year-old vampire princess and her guardian are shipped to vampire boarding school in this adaptation of the YA novels. I was going to call them "biting," but even I have a bit too much dignity for that.

Nosferatu the Vampire


Werner Herzog's remake of the 1920s classic comes to Blu-ray. All the kids in Vampire Academy would make fun of Count Orloff for being so weird-looking. And then he's kill them all. I'd like to see that movie.

Michief Night


A slasher who breaks into a house on the night before Halloween discovers a horrific surprise of his own.

Zombie Games: The Knackery


Running Man but with zombies. You get the idea.

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