Jeff Goldblum Is Doing a Dungeons & Dragons Podcast, Which Is as Excellent as It Is Unfathomable

Jeff Goldblum recreates his sexy Jurassic Park pose at his Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony on June 14, 2018.
Jeff Goldblum recreates his sexy Jurassic Park pose at his Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony on June 14, 2018.
Image: David Livingston (Getty Images)

Yeah. So, Jeff Goldblumthe Jeff Goldblum, star of Jurassic Park, Independence Day, and so much more—is going to play Elven sorcerer Balmer in a Dungeons & Dragons podcast. This is a true statement of something that is going to happen in our reality, and I absolutely can’t wrap my head around it.

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Look at him. LOOK AT HIM.

Illustration for article titled Jeff Goldblum Is Doing a Dungeons & Dragons Podcast, Which Is as Excellent as It Is Unfathomable
Image: Fool & Scholar Productions

Goldblum will be joining Dark Dice, an actual-play D&D podcast that began in 2018. It’s about a group of adventurers (natch) who “embark on a journey into the ruinous domain of the nameless god,” according to the official site. Balmer will make his debut on May 12, when the series returns to begin its second storyline. If you don’t know the podcast, it sounds pretty rad already—Deadline says it “features immersive soundscapes, a diverse international cast, and an original soundtrack featuring an orchestra, over 30 medieval instruments, and a live choir singing in Infernal, Icelandic, and Elvish.” Still, the addition of Jeff Goldblum is quite the coup.

I want to know everything about this. Why? Why Dark Dice? Has Goldblum ever even played an RPG before? What Balmer’s level going to be? What spells can he cast? Can I even imagine a world where someone is going to ask Jeff goddamned Goldblum to make a saving throw? I cannot, and yet here we are. Here we are.


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Rob Bricken was the Editor of io9 from 2016-18, the creator of the poorly named but fan-favorite news site Topless Robot, and now writes nerd stuff for many places, because it's all he's good at.

DISCUSSION

“I roll, uh, a twenty, so my Magic Missile does 30 HP of damage, which is, which is, uh, marvelous.”