In Defense of Squeeks, Michael Bay's Goofy-Ass New Transformer

Illustration for article titled In Defense of Squeeks, Michael Bay's Goofy-Ass New Transformer

This past Thursday, director Michael Bay introduced a new robot that will be joining his upcoming Transformers movie, The Last Knight. Some fans were quite upset at the addition of this tiny, goofy-looking Autobot to the Transformer movie pantheon, and I have a question for those fans: Really? (I also have a follow-up question: Really?!)


Have... have you guys seen Michael Bay’s first four Transformers films? And this little dude is the final step too far? Look, I’m not saying this nth-tier Gobot is going to be awesome, but it’s not even in the Top 10 of the most horrible things Bay has brought to world of Transformers. Off the top of my head:

1) A robot that embodied racist stereotypes

2) A tiny, goofy robot who was a faux Nazi mad scientist, complete with German accent

3) A sexy evil robot that was programmed to fuck Shia La Beouf

4) A second robot that embodied racist stereotypes

5) A tiny, goofy robot who talked like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas who I believe wanted to fuck Megan Fox

6) A scene about Shia La Boeuf’s mom accidentally eating pot brownies that I conservatively estimate lasted three days of pure agony

7) Shia La Boeuf going to robot heaven

8) Graphic dog sex

9) A scene in which “the hero” explains why it’s okay that he’s having sex with a 17-year-old girl


10) Robot testicles


Look, Squeeks could be horrible—actually, he almost certainly will be—and his cute/creepy design makes him look like he’s going to be the Milhouse of the Transformers universe. But that said, based on the limited information we have now, there is no concrete evidence to suspect that he’ll be responsible for anything worse than what we’ed already endured.


Save your hate. If the first four Transformers films are any indication, you’re going to need it.

Rob Bricken was the Editor of io9 from 2016-18, the creator of the poorly named but fan-favorite news site Topless Robot, and now writes nerd stuff for many places, because it's all he's good at.