There were all the revelations you could want on last night's Helix, plus some you probably didn't want. Get ready to worship your psychic zombie goo barf god! Spoilers ahead.

This episode was one of those rapid-fire deals where everything is coming together in ways that aren't entirely unexpected but are still kind of creepy anyway. Let's go over the facts as we now know them.

1. Hiroshi is a total player.

Does this guy basically have love affairs with every amazing female scientist he comes into contact with? First he had an intense relationship with mad scientist-cum-entrepreneur Constance (whose head he lovingly preserved last week), which got him this Arctic Biosystems gig. Then he fell madly for Jane, Julia's mother, whom he describes as one of the most brilliant scientists he ever knew.


So yes, all of you who guessed that Hiroshi is Julia's father — he IS her father. "You have your father's eyes," he says creepily to her in the revelation scene, baring his silver peepers. Probably not the most sensitive way to go about this, Hiroshi, but whatever. Julia raises the question about how he manages to look exactly the same age as he did in the picture of him with her as a child, but he dismisses it.

Julia was already primed to be grossed out by this revelation anyway, after discovering that all those summers she spent in "Montana" were actually in a fake cabin build below "Level X," the ultra-basement of the Arctic Biosystems facility. Sooooo, was her mother Jane working with Hiroshi? Was she a prisoner? Did she and Hiroshi agree to turn Julia into some kind of super-baby? What did Constance have to do with all of this?

I kind of love and kind of hate the fact that so much of the plot in this show boils down to Hiroshi's science nerd love life. One the one hand, Hiroshi is undeniably snacky and I love that he only boinks super scientists. On the other hand, can we please have a show that isn't about daddy issues?

2. Peter is the Lord of the Zombies

It's kind of like being Lord of the Dance, except you have to drink the black goo barf of all the other zombies before you jump up and start throbbing and dancing and forcing all the other zombies to kneel before you. Seriously, the barf drinking was gross. Way to go, Helix! Anyway, that's what Peter is busy doing with all the zombies down in Level X. The zombie love-in wouldn't be that much of a problem except for the fact that all of Arctic Biosystems' secret copies of every dangerous pathogen in the universe are also kept down there.

Miksa forces Hiroshi to reveal his secret plans to Alan and Sarah because he's done with the whole "Hiroshi is my daddy" thing. When Hiroshi describes making the virus, he insists it's actually "something better" than the killer virus that Constance wanted. I'm failing to see why, but maybe we'll find out. Also, he reveals that parent company Ilaria will be sending an army to crush the lab soon. So they'd better get those original vials of black goo zombie virus stuff from Level X right away!


But first, we have to figure out that freezing the zombies slows them down, which involves a bunch of stuff where there is zombie purloining and Sarah finally faints and admits she's dying and then Julia has to listen to Sarah moaning about how Alan should sleep with her again. Because Alan, like Hiroshi, somehow always gets to score with every cute scientist within 20 feet of his position.

3. The pathogen room is so hilariously awful/great.

I just love the bit where Julia and Alan are going through the vials of pathogens while frozen zombies drool on the window and watch. It gets especially great when she starts finding vials of the black death and "Justinian plague." OK WHUT. Nobody even knows what the Justinian plague was, let alone has a freakin' vial of it.

"They have more than the CDC does!" Julia exclaims. Yeah, that's because they also have all the plagues ever unleashed in the Judge Dredd comics, and that disease from Andromeda Strain, and whatever it was that caused everyone to grow mushroom heads in The Last of Us. This scene is like going into the Toon Town version of a weird science show.

4. Miksa's family reunion . . . sigh.

I'm a Miksa fan, but that was really underwhelming. Brothers punching each other, yay! Please return to my earlier request that we not have a show about daddy issues again. Somehow daddy issues always lead to brothers punching each other boringly while women watch and try to pretend it's amazing.

Hopefully this means that Sergio has been redeemed and can get some genuine love from Miksa's sister. But first! They must stop the army that Constance inexplicably dispatched to destroy the Inuit village!

5. Mr. Character-We-Never-Met-Before is in a pivotal position!

Hello, guy whose only lines involve complaining about not getting a paycheck! Did you just parachute in from the Alien franchise or something? Because in this show, everybody is being paid handsomely and that's kind of important to the plot!

Oh well, never you mind about those details because you're just there to be the random Ilaria mole (or maybe a corporate spy from elsewhere) who steals the last vials of the zombie goo viruses and heads out into the whirling snow as the episode ends.