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Godawful posters for godawful movies: the art of the Cannon Group

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Back in the day, the Cannon Group were the high priests of lowbrow cinema. Their formula? Ninjas + Van Damme + nudity + aliens = the best movies nobody watches anymore. Here are posters advertising Cannon's lost classics. Slightly NSFW.

You can read more about the history of Cannon here. Cracked also has an entertaining history of the filmmakers.

Yes, there was actually a duo of actors known as the Barbarian Brothers. And they were hierophants of low-budget radness.

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[Posters via The Wrong Side of Art]

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Damn, that's one sweaty ninja.

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If it weren't for the title, you'd think this was Teen Wolf 3: A Werewolf Goes To Washington.

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This is a movie is about Andy Warhol stabbing you before 11:59 PM on December 31. High concept!

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Hahaha.

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Bloodsport was like Street Fighter 2 but less realistic. If it weren't for the above tableau of JVCD doing a mid-air Kegel and Bolo Yeung choking on a Raisinet, you'd have no idea that this was a poster for Bloodsport.

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I initially thought this read "400 feet of training in the art of sudden death." And then I was disappointed.

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I like how there's barely a sword visible.

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The giant flag is necessary in any case anyone was confused about the movie's title.

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This movie is about space vampires, but you'd think it was about a horny civilization of sentient bank drive-thru canisters.

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If you thought Lifeforce was inscrutable, this poster may as well be written in Maidu. Is that lady's head a jack-o'-lantern?

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MST3K savaged this one.

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Nothing on this poster suggests that this movie is about cyborgs. All I know is that Van Damme fights evil with a bike pump.

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Lou Ferrigno and the Barbarian Brothers. The Cannon Group was so arthouse.

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More Lifeforce. They pared down the plot but kept the nudity.

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This = Thor + The Smurfs. Behold the face of Summer 2011.

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DISCUSSION

ghost-in-the-machine
Ghost in the Machine

Hey. These aren't all awful movies. I liked Invaders, Lifeforce and Masters of the Universe. However, every print of The Barbarians should be burned and the ashes shot into space (it was really that bad).