Glitter Beards, Spangle Leotards and Pew-Pew-Pew: Disco Space Opera at Its Most Hideously Wonderful

If you thought the discofied Buck Rogers show and movies like Star Crash were ridiculously over-the-top examples of disco space opera, then you haven't seen Escape From Galaxy 3. It's possibly the most offensively terrible, wonderfully Bacchanalian film we've ever seen. How much cocaine do you think they needed to consume to get the correct amount of sparkles and borderline-obscene leotards into every frame?

And yes, that is an oversized gold star covering up the heroine's otherwise exposed nipple. New fashion trend!

The funny thing is, films like this are at least trying to cash in on the fame of Star Wars — but they're generally very un-Star Wars-like. Where Star Wars was actually sort of grungy and a bit nasty, these films just cover you in sparkles. Even the stars are these huge pink and blue Christmas ornaments hanging in space, quivering a bit as the spaceships roar past.


What's the plot of Escape from Galaxy 3? Umm... Well, that Ming the Merciless wannabe with the gold-spangled beard kills the King or Emperor or whatever, as you can see in that clip. But Princess Belle Star and her companion succeed in escaping, and they find their way to a planet of nudists. Basically. It's a planet where everybody wears togas and tunics and dances around, and they teach Belle Star and her companion about love and pleasure. It sort of turns into a low-rent softcore porno for a bit. Then eventually the baddie shows up and captures Belle Star and whatsisname, making them his slaves.

Finally, in a scene that no doubt inspired Russell T. Davies to craft the ending of "The Last of the Time Lords" on Doctor Who, Belle Star has to kneel before the Ming-wannabe. Except that suddenly blue energy sparks out of her boyfriend's eyes, and it travels through her to the bad guy, turning him into ash instantly. Belle Star, and all of the other kings of the galaxy who have become the vassals of the bad guy, are free! So Belle and her beau go back to the Love Planet. As one would.

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Oh. Sweet. Zombie. JEEEBUS!!

It's only a notch better than Buck. Roller Disco!! Light Strings!!!! Jerry Orbach as a rock band manager. I'm glad that I was too young to let that disco cheez affect me...

"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk..."

WHO SAID THAT!! Oh no it's happening again!!!!