Five TV Thanksgiving Specials We'll Sadly Never See

Illustration for article titled Five TV Thanksgiving Specials We'll Sadly Never See

This Thursday, America shuts down to celebrate Thanksgiving, a day of either remembrance of the hardships endured (and survived) by the Pilgrims when they first came to the country (Admittedly, the native Americans may have helped more than a little bit there), or of getting a day off of work. As a non-American, I learned about Thanksgiving through the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and that special episode of Buffy, which is why I'm extra sad that none of today's SF television shows seem to want to make the effort to give us the holiday special that we deserve. So sad, in fact, that I'm willing to give them ideas as to how to make it up to us next year. Gobble it up, TV people.Knight Rider If ever there was a show that was made to have a Thanksgiving episode, it's this awkward updating of the worthy 1980s "Good Samaritan - With a car" show. Given the unlikely life lessons that the reboot's Mike Tracer has a tendency to give the new KITT, I can easily see Mike spending the episode explaining the history of the holiday in his own lunk-headed fashion in between saving native Americans from a villain with a completely obvious name like "White Settler Pilgrim Bastard Jr." And then, when he's done, he'd drive up to some bar with the rest of his crew, where some woman would show him her cleavage, and then ask if his car was the only thing he liked fast and lubed. The episode would end with him turning to the camera and saying "Now that's what I'm thankful for!" Star Wars: The Clone Wars We journey to Kashyyyk, where the Wookies are celebrating their annual Life Day. Planning to convince the Wookies to join the Republic in their struggles against the evil Count Dooku and his seperatists, Padme gets captured and has to be rescued by Anakin, Ahsoka and a brand new Jedi that we've never seen before. Who looks like a turkey. After a brave and ferocious battle, Padme is rescued, but the turkey Jedi sacrifices himself in the process. The end of the episode sees the Wookies and our heroes gathered around a great feast, as Yoda reminds everyone about the brave sacrifices that have been made so that everyone could be there that day, and says something about "Thanks, we must be giving on this day." And then R2 makes that farting noise and everyone laughs. Lost This one's easy: Everyone on the island sits down for a special Thanksgiving dinner, while we flash-forward to see the Thanksgivings of everyone once they get off the island. Hurley eats turkey while talking to the ghosts of Charlie and Mr. Ecko, Kate gets frustrated because Aaron won't sit up straight at the table, Sayid and Sun just have normal days because they're not American, and Jack just drinks and feels more sorry for himself than normal because the Snoopy balloon in the Macy's parade was kind of shitty that year. The episode ends with Ben appearing in Jack's apartment, and making some snide comment about how terrible his life is and why Jack has to go back to the island. "It's time to give thanks for everything you've become, Jack," he'll smirk, and then the screen will cut to black with that thud noise they always do. Heroes The episode starts with a flashback to the eclipse that gave everyone their powers, while Mohinder gives us a boring monologue about how everything changed that day... and not only for humans. We see a turkey in a slaughterhouse suddenly gain increased intelligence, the power to speak and superspeed. After giving a short speech about why he doesn't want to die, the turkey escapes, and is pursued by HRG... but why is he working solo? We find out in a climactic final scene where the turkey's life is saved by Sylar, Peter and Nathan, who reveal the shocking truth: The turkey is another lost Petrelli! Cut to Angela looking at a bowl of stuffing and saying "My sweet little boy... Soon we will be together again." Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles Finally daring to take the series in a whole new - and somewhat "special episode of Bewitched" - direction, the episode features Skynet's most shocking plan yet: Sending a Terminator back to 1621 to interrupt the first Thanksgiving ever and kill the Pilgrim ancestor of John Connor (who, in a cost-cutting measure, can be played by Thomas Dekker, the current John Connor). You can bring in all of the regular cast to play various bit-parts, and keep them all fairly consistent with their usual characters. Just remember to have them say "thee" instead of "you," to make sure it's historically consistent. Who wouldn't want to see Summer Glau ride up on a horse to save Connor's ancestor by saying "Come with me if thee wants to live"?

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If Heroes gave the power of real flight to that turkey, then Les Nessman would have been correct when he exclaimed: "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly..."

(That's a WKRP reference, for you youngin's.)

"... they're hitting the ground like bags of wet cement! Oh, the horror!"