Finally! The ladies from American Horror Story say, "WE DON'T NEED A MAN"

OK, that's not entirely fair. American Horror Story: Coven has been a pretty female dominated season. But for the first time this in a long time, it finally felt like the witches of this Coven realized, "who run the world? GIRLS." And it was AWESOME.

I love this season of AHS. When it was first announced that this would be a witch-centric series, I was over the motherfucking waning moon. Why? Because armies of women are the best armies. And when you make them unstoppable forces of magic, HELL YES. Practical Magic, The Craft, even the much shittier Charmed — I eat it up.

And I didn't realize until this week that the power of sisterhood was exactly what I was missing from this series. Not until the girls got together and ripped a man's intestines out of his side with an axe, did I shout "YES! THIS! YES!"

As far as harnessing the Power of the Pussy and using it to aggressively ball-kick the bad boys of New Orleans goes, this series has been more of a ball tap thus far. Instead, these witches spent most of their time killing each other and feuding. This is a waste of my Traveling Pants passion.


And maybe that was the whole point? This season was a slow simmer in a pool of blood just waiting to bubble over in a burst of lady gusto at the climax. We're one episode away from the finale and these girls are just now working together. It kind of makes me wish they'd paused form the undead threesomes and spent more time ripping up this town as a pack. But the wait was worth it. Even though these girls hate each other, it's quite amazing to watch them unite to slay anyone who "fucks with their coven."

This is the first time in the history of this rat-shit insane show that I don't want the season to reboot. I would like to stay with this coven a whole lot longer.

So what happened? Well the immortal plot point gets neatly tied up. What with Marie Laveau being chopped up into bits and spread out all over the yard, she can no longer keep up her "one baby a year" deal with the demon Papa Legba. So she's in breach of contract, and to hell both Delphine LaLaurie and Laveau go. Also thanks to Queenie conjuring up Papa and informing him of this. How great is it that both of their hells are the SAME place? They deserve each other.

Sidenote: Papa Legba is just fantastic. It was a treat and a delight to get him back this episode. Lance Reddick is having an absolute ball playing this character, and he is just killing it. I know I'm all about the ladies today, but he is a fantastic character, I don't want to lose this guy!


So what else? Fiona got her portrait done, concluding her pretense that she's going to go quietly into the dark night. When in reality she wants nothing more than to kill all these bitches. But when her daughter Cordelia foresees her mother's destruction, she finally decides to buy the flowers herself. Heads over to Fiona's boyfriends house and announces SURPRISE, SHE GON' DUMP YOU. In response he kills her — because hello, axe murderer. However, I don't actually believe that she is dead.

Illustration for article titled Finally! The ladies from American Horror Story say, "WE DON'T NEED A MAN"

Misty gets pulled out of her coffin, then she and Madison have the most wonderful fight ever. It mostly consists of Misty throwing hard punches and Madison screaming and stomping her feet. Then Misty calls her "Hollywood" — and it's glorious. But they all come together in the end to defend the coven from the Axe Man. And now we can finally get the Yayayayayaya Sisterhood destruction I've been craving. Too bad that's probably not going to last through the Seven Wonders. Ah well. It shall live forever in this "stop" gif moment. Le sigh.


In conclusion: You go, girls.

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Mmmmph. Somewhere in the last few episodes this show just got a little too batshit crazy and I've lost interest. I wouldn't watch anymore if the mr. wasn't insanely into it. The second season was actually my favorite, but don't ask me to put my finger on why.

On another note, I did NOT recognize Lance Reddick as Papa Legba. No wonder Papa Legba is fantastic. You cannot go wrong with Lance Reddick.