Dwayne Johnson hosted his fifth episode of Saturday Night Live over the weekend, helming this year’s season finale with a mix of the weird, the political, and the OMIGOD hide your children and your wives from this guy.
Johnson returned to Saturday Night Live with his typical flair and gusto, which included a pretty funny sketch on a Jurassic Park ride (T-Rex hand puppet and all), the Scorpio superhero, and a WWE promo that harkened back to Johnson’s early days as “The Rock.” But sadly, it wasn’t SNL’s finest this season, leaving things on a pretty average note. It was also the final SNL performances for both Vanessa Bayer and Bobby Moynihan, and I’m going to miss both of them a lot.
Of course, everybody’s been talking about Johnson’s opening monologue, where he “officially” announced that he’s running for President of the United States in 2020, with Tom Hanks as his running mate. This follows a recent appearance on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, where he suggested that he has an earnest desire to replace Donald Trump as the next Commander in Chief.
Look, I know most of us believe just about anybody would be better than Trump (well, except Paul Ryan, for obvious reasons), but can we not do this right now? I don’t care if it’s serious or a joke, just stop. We’ve already got one actor in the White House, I’m not ready to entertain the idea of another.
Instead, I’d like to talk about the sketch where Johnson invents something truly evil for the Mad Scientists’ competition: a robot that molests children.
Nope. Scratch that. It’s too much, even for me.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be hiding in the hills for a few years, waiting for the day when Katy Perry promises she’ll bring back cannibalism if picked as the next Secretary of Education. After all, Betsy DeVos plans on getting rid of healthy eating programs... food’s gotta come from somewhere.