Don't Stand So Close to Dr. Frankenstein

Things were different in the 1980s - Sting wasn't world beat, Jennifer Beals was hot, and somebody thought it would be a great idea to pair them in a sexy Frankenstein variant called The Bride.

If you look closely in this timeless trailer for the flick, you'll catch a glimpse of Cary "Princess Bride" Elwes, who clearly couldn't get enough of movies with "bride" in the title. I think there's supposed to be some kind of feminist allegory here, about independent women and men of science maybe? But it's hard to say for sure, because most of the movie is focused on Sting's hair and Beals' flowy dresses and people screaming at cats.


What you're seeing in this preview is a fairly accurate picture of what the film is actually like - almost no dialog, no discernible plot. Lots of brooding. Despite its high-wattage stars, the flick flopped.

The Bride via IMDB


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Oh God, is this movie tedious. The problem is, they had a beginning and an ending, but no idea what do to do in the middle. Sting and Beal just pose and brood for what feels like hours. You can grow old and die waiting for something to actually happen . . . .

You know things are bad when the subplot with the dwarf is the liveliest part of the movie!

The novelization by Vonda McIntyre was more entertaining.