Could The Girls From Planet 5 Be The Best Novel Ever?

With Texas talking about seceding from the rest of the country, who's going to save us from the space amazons? That's the message of The Girls From Planet 5, possibly the greatest novel ever.

In The Girls From Planet 5, published in 1955, the United States elects a female president by 1988, and soon enough, women are running the whole country! The novel's main character, Dave, doesn't mind too much — until his girlfriend gets the job he was in line for, and becomes his boss! So Dave moves to Texas, the only part of the country where men are still men. You can't vote unless you can rope a steer, and they'd never let someone like Ann Richards be in charge. (Oops.)


Anyway, in 1998, a group of female aliens from Planet 5 land on Earth, accidentally killing a bunch of people in Alexandria. Despite that little misunderstanding, the aliens appear friendly, and the citizens of "Biddyland" (which is what Texans call the rest of the U.S.) welcome them with open arms. Only the Texans, who are nominally still part of the U.S., view these visitors with suspicion and ask pertinent questions like, "What happened to their menfolk?" Turns out the young sexy aliens are really being controlled by older, ugly aliens. And are therefore evil. Only the independent-minded Texans can save us!

Over at Crooked Timber, John Holbo has a fantastic review/summary of this prophetic novel. He even typed in some paragraphs of breathless prose, including the part where a woman says "I spunkily made myself a drink." And then she insists that women actually can vote in Texas, and she was roping and branding steers long before most of these dudes. Anyway, in the end, Texas hero Sam Buckskin rounds up a posse, and they go to rescue the rest of the country from these nasty femaliens, before it's Too Late. [Crooked Timber, thanks Gregory]

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