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The Opening Number of Disney's Descendants Is Utterly Insane

Here are the first six minutes of the Disney Channel’s Descendants, a TV movie about the second generation of Disney villains being reintegrated into the happy kingdom of the Beast. It. Is. Completely. Bananapants.


I have so many questions about this:

  1. Did Kenny Ortega actually clone Zac Efron for the son of Belle and the Beast?
  2. Is that a magic iPad at the beginning?
  3. That can’t actually be Belle’s wedding dress, right?
  4. What is this song and why?
  5. Can no one lip synch properly anymore?
  6. Who approved “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the baddest of them all”?
  7. Is this the worst lip synching in history?
  8. Who knew there was a market for a preteen, coed Pussycat Dolls?
  9. There’s no wifi on exile island, but there is a Hot Topic?
  10. Did someone slip me a hallucinogen, or is everyone else seeing a bunch of children in multicolored pleather and dyed hair re-enact Stomp?
  11. No, but seriously, how awful is this lip synching?

That said: Of course I’m watching this next week. It’s going to be amazing.

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Come on Kenny, at least the High School Musical films had levels of competent, not reality-breakingly terrible, acting.

Also, all of those people trying to ensure the Isle of the Lost has a relatively stable economy must really despise living there. Why would Beast Jr. select those four delinquents? Why not the girl who had her apple stolen or the dude just trying to take a bath?

That said, are you doing a review Katherine? I’m going to need an outlet for laughing once I’ve seen this.

Edit: This trailer embodies just about every conceivable element of the quintessential Disney Channel Original Movie. This is going to be amazing guys.