Fear of Science Now Available in the Yogurt Aisle

While Chobani has backed down on its anti-science claims, they're still insisting their yogurt is 100% chemical-free. I am downright confused, or possibly astounded, at the concept we've found a new form of non-chemical matter, and waste it in yogurt.

I get that fear of chemistry is right up there with fear of mathematics for a lot of people, but that doesn't mean I can ignore it. Every time you design a project to minimize waste, you're doing applied calculus (I'm looking at you, sewers, builders, and crafters). Knitters and crocheters, every time you use a swatch to check gauge, you're doing algebra. Every time you change a recipe and decide if you like your modification better than the original, you're doing an experimental test run of applied chemistry. Personally, I think that's pretty amazing.

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So suck it up, Chobani. Your product, and every other successful food product on the market, is the essence of applied science. If you're good, the end result is tasty. Your anti-science propaganda, fear-mongering of science, and fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of the universe has earned you the right to go back to school and apologize to your science teachers. If you're very lucky, they'll accept and teach you what you apparently missed the first time around. Once you understand how badly you've screwed up, you can apologize to the rest of us scientists who work hard to make your world more interesting and delicious.

Chobani Issues Non-Apology For Ridiculous Anti-Science Campaign

Chobani – maker of garbage yogurt – faced considerable backlash this week over a slogan, printed on the lids of its 100-calorie "Simply 100" yogurt cups, which read: "Nature got us to 100 calories, not scientists. #howmatters." The company has since discontinued the campaign, and issued a weirdly backhanded apology.

"We were too clever for our own good," the company tweeted in response to its critics. "Didn't intend to put down science or scientists with our recent lid. We discontinued it."

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You keep on being clever, Chobani. Maybe one day somebody will manage to grapple with your over-sharpened wit. In the meantime, we'll keep not buying your yogurt.