You may know all about your star sign here on Earth — but what sign are you on the planet Ventiplex? The latest episode of Doctor Who's kid-friendly spin-off, The Sarah Jane Adventures, included this gorgeous reproduction of the Ventiplexan astrological charts. It's all making sense to me now. But what about the Draconians, the warlike race of sexist lizard-people who nearly sliced the Doctor in half back in 1973? They have a cool-looking astrological chart as well, it turns out. Spoilers below.


The latest SJA storyline, "Secrets Of The Stars," had almost everything. You had the obligatory references to the fact that Sarah Jane used to travel with the Doctor and now she's serving as a sort of Doctor-substitute to a gaggle of aprentices. You have the amazingly hammy villain, who can roll both his eyes and his consonants with the thrill of taking over the universe. You have Sarah Jane standing up to another bully and being the best mom ever. And you have your classic science-vs-magic storyline, where we split the difference and find out that actually magic is just the science of another universe. For those who missed it, washed up astrologer Martin Trueman gets zapped by the stars, and it turns out astrology really is true after all — but only in the universe before ours, the one which existed before the Big Bang. Trueman gets on television and tells everyone to leave their homes and stand in circles, for reasons that remain a bit opaque. But Sarah Jane's adoptive son, Luke, finally figures out that since he wasn't born, he has no zodiac sign, and so Trueman's astrology-based powers don't affect him. Best line ever: "You flicked a switch?! The ancient lights survived the Big Bang and you think you can stop them just by flicking a switch?" I could just hear David Tennant in my head saying, "Well, yes, I did rather." I wonder how long before people in the Doctor Who universe stop being surprised when half their loved ones wander out of their homes in a daze. ("Oh, never mind, it's just the global mind control again. Why does it always happen during the football? Just stay off the rooftops this time, okay?")