AND IT WAS GREAT. Once Upon A Time is at its best when it's making its fairy tale characters pantomime actions of real-world people. And watching Captain Hook go on a date with Emma while she's wearing a 16-year-old's dress was pretty great.
Honestly, I'm bored to hell with the Frozen storyline, and even more depressed that the big message from Anna's adventure in the Enchanted Forest was basically exactly what we were already told by the Snow Queen last week. Womp womp.
So let's just let that be that and not speak of it again. However, I will say that getting sparkle Rumpelstiltskin is always great because Robert Carlyle is great and I love him. Also, Zoso showed up and we were all gently reminded of Led Zeppelin and then we all just kept on living our lives because the flashbacks don't matter. What matters is that Rumps has a magic hat and we all had to pretend that Mickey Mouse was an old guy and that was weird.
Moving on to the date.
Emma asks out Hook because of course that's what Emma does. She's a take-charge, never-skip-arms-day kind of lady. So I have to say I was a little dismayed when I saw her approach her car, distinctly notice the puddle around said car, and then drive it anyway.
HELLO, WHAT IF THERE WAS A MAGIC ICE BOMB IN THE CAR? HELLO.
And what does a Snow Queen want with a yellow car? She's a Snow Queen; build your own damn ice car, or maybe make your ice bombs better so they don't melt.
Meanwhile, Hook prepares for his hot date with Emma by going to get his old hand back from Rumps.
And by putting Hook and Rumps together, that means Hook could call him a "crocodile" over and over again. It's great. Also Hook wants his hand back, and Rumps tells him that this hand is also the hand from the movie Idle Hands and will make him evil again because he used to be evil. Which LOL, Rumps, that's not how hands work.
But this is Once Upon A Time, so of course that's how hands work. This also means that Hook will spend the majority of this episode looking at his hand like there's a big spider on it. It's OK, but part of me wants this episode to end with Hook cutting off his own hand James Franco 127 Hours-style.
Now, on to the date. Emma is super cute in her Spring Fling high school dress. Everyone tells her she looks great and not like a small child who is about to go to her first dance, except for Elsa who just wants to remind everyone that she's not from here. "Is that the corset?" Elsa asks, and smiles and looks around. But no one responds. Elsa tries again, clears her throat and says a bit louder this time, "I'M NOT FROM HERE. IS THAT THE CORSET? WHAT ARE SHOES?" Everyone ignores Elsa.
Meanwhile, Hook has a brand-new set of clothes as well. Unfortunately, he's still wearing all his man jewelry. You can take the pirate out of the pirate ship thing, but you can't take the pirate sensibilities out of the pirate. Emma makes a joke about Captain Hook's new hand that is unfunny and only points more attention to the fact that he was nicknamed thanks to his disability. But the bottom line is that everyone is super cool with Killian having a new/old hand and doesn't question it for a second. Which is good.
Then they go on the date in a restaurant where people eat in a totally normal fashion.
Obviously this is a Lady and the Tramp reference. This makes me wonder, do you think they'd rather be dogs?
At the restaurant, Captain Hook asks Emma is she wants to get a drink and then makes the face above. It's totally great. The night proceeds fairly normally, with Hook eyeing his evil hand, but then–OH NO—the Knave is there. The Knave tries to run away unnoticed but in doing so only causes MORE of a distraction (o,h the sweet irony). Then Hook threatens his life because of his evil hand. Emma shrugs and tells the restaurant she's off duty so will NOT be chasing after the thief and I guess she just hoped he wouldn't rob any other people later on tonight.
Emma and Hook go home. They smooch (it's cute) and Snow and Charming are adorably waiting up for her. It's great. I want more weird "We're the same age, you can't tell me what to do" parenting moments like this. Also, in this little moment I'm pretty sure Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas actually BECAME their cartoon inspirations. Love it.
After date night, Hook beats up the Knave and is like, "Oh darn this old hand." Scared of his new hand, Hook asks Rumps to take it back, but obviously nothing is that simple. First, Hook has to do him a favor, which is basically help him absorb human old man Mickey (the Sorcerer's Apprentice) into his new magic hat. Which is implied death? No one really knows. But now Killian has his hook back and Rumps owns Killian because he has an ACTUAL MAGICAL VHS TAPE of Hook holding the old Mickey while he's absorbed into the hat. And if he doesn't do what Rumps says, Rumps'll tell Emma.
This situation is kind of hilarious. Killian should just tell Emma right now, "OK I had a hand and that was a mistake and then I went to this place with Mr. Gold and I didn't know he was going to kill him and then it was too late. The guy was gone. Actually he may not even be dead. Maybe we can ask Mr. Gold to bring him back from the star hat. He could probably do that maybe. Basically I'm really sorry and I didn't think this would all escalate that quickly, because that is just not how hands work."
But then what would we have to look forward to next week? Oh right, "Project Mongoose." Woof.
Good Once, everybody!