It was only a matter of time before those kids started snorting vampire juice over at the synthetic blood soap opera True Blood. But the big surprise is that it came from hippie Lizzy Caplan (Cloverfield), the show'st free spirit and connoisseur of finely chopped blood rails. This week's True Blood was crammed with shiny gold thongs, topless hippies and jilted lovers, so snort that vamp coke and let's get a move on.Caplan's character, Amy, takes dimwitted Jason under her wing (before showing us her lovelies) and teaches him the ways of snorting aspirin laced vamp blood. Then the two decided to make sweet, sweet light flowing, hand holding love. Besides that, you get to see Bill's pretty graphic love scene with Sookie and watch her slowly start to lose her cool once Bill ditches her for his old gang. Also, Tara's mom gets a body shaking exorcism and Tara is told that she too has a demon inside of her (don't we all). Pro: Bill gives Sookie advice after sex, he tells her to take some B12 because she must be weak from all the blood drinking, it's a gross almost daddy-like moment. But it's her first time and he's super old, so it makes sense. Pro: Lafayette's jeweled thong in his thug outfit. Actually the whole scene where Jason tries to strong arm Lafayette is pretty great. Rule number one: drug dealers are scary people no matter what color their thongs are — don't mess with them. Pro: Sookie getting all moony over Bill's sleeping arrangement, "so we can never sleep beside each other?" Gah what a silly little thing to say. The slow unraveling of her sanity for having given it up so soon is already starting. Pro: Tara's mom goes in to get a loan for an exorcism. Pro: I'm getting mighty attracted to red's husband Rene, he's got that crazy accent and never gets upset when his wife acts like a small minded lunatic. More Rene, please. Pro: Hooray for the return of the lame vampire gang and the bald vampire's need to talk once again about "johnsons." Con: Tub talks. These are one of those "only on TV and in the movies moments," people don't hang out in candle lit tubs unless they are on their honeymoon or in a super expensive hotel. Ugh, this is cheeseball spectacular. Con: The "I had sex with Bill," announcement in the middle of the bar... weird and lame, Sookie. Con: "Vault" vampire bouncer lady is too old to be wearing that top. Con: Sookie's continued talk about sex at work, we all know that girl. It's gross stop talking about it, especially when she said she "just relaxed" blargh good god woman you're at work Con: Eric picks on sad looking girls, my how the mighty have fallen, and to think I was just about to give him major credit for sitting at the bar and texting on his phone. Con: Tara's mom's body shakes during the exorcism, I tire of this kind of act when can I get a new look at old demon wrangling. Con: The cliff hanger, if they're all dead then I'll eat that drowned possum.


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