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Black Widow Is Delayed, So I Guess My Mind Decided I Should Dream the Movie Instead?

Remember 2012, when everyone actually wanted a Black Widow solo film?
Image: Disney

For some ridiculous reason (boredom), Twitter is talking about Iron Man 3 today. Instead of rehashing a so-so MCU installment, allow me to tell you about the Black Widow dream I had last night.

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I should preface this by saying my subconscious often gifts me with incredibly detailed, absolutely bizarro dreams. This happens so often that my husband has taken to asking me to stop telling him about them because they are so fucking strange. That said, my Marvel Cinematic Universe dream wasn’t that weird in the scheme of things but odd enough that my staff told me I should blog about it. So here we are.

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The most interesting thing about this dream was it was multi-layered: I was both watching the yet-to-be-released Black Widow (or my wild approximation of it as you will soon learn) but also playing a role in the film. It is very possible I was Natasha Romanoff myself as I did not spot Scarlett Johansson once.

The dream opened with me falling through space toward Earth’s thermosphere with three people attached to my legs hanging on for dear life. It looked a bit like the scene below from the first trailer. Friends or foes? My brain didn’t bother providing me with that information—I was too busy seeing a giant Black Widow symbol being displayed in the sky. Think Bat-symbol but uh, a lot bigger.

It was at this point in the dream I vocalized to my leg-hanging companions that it had been “20 goddamn minutes into this movie” and I hadn’t even seen Natasha yet.

More excited for this scene now, tbh.
More excited for this scene now, tbh.
Image: Disney
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And then I landed on a SHIELD helicarrier. It didn’t look exactly like the ones from the Marvel Studios films—those giant fans were gone—but close enough. I got to work checking on the computer systems which were run by an artificial intelligence modeled on...Tony Stark. “Oh god,” I thought to myself in the dream, “the last thing the world needs is an AI with that guy’s personality.”

“I heard that,” AI Tony Stark replied.

Completely passing over the fact that it heard my thoughts, I decided to tell it to run diagnostics and look out for “anything weird,” and promptly walked off with the machine trying to make some unintelligible snarky comment about saving the day.

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That’s when I found the snake.

Not sure why there was a random snake on the helicarrier but I can tell you I did not like it. For some reason, the damn thing kept following me around as I was attempting to get updates on whatever major event was going down. I kept having parts of conversations and then having to move to a different part of the bridge to get away from it again. Eventually, I threw a towel over half of the creature and asked the random SHIELD NPCs if anyone had a knife. Three of them held up butcher knives, one of them held up a saw.

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I took all three knives.

I went back to the snake where I left it, under a bright yellow towel, and used one of the knives to chop off its head. And of course it kept moving. So what did I do? I called the Hulk over to get rid of the thing, which he was kind enough to oblige (sadly without any cute Hulk-isms). He went to the edge of the helicarrier and just...threw it off. I’m sure AI Tony Stark had something to say about it but that’s when I woke up.

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Deputy Editor, io9. Loves cats.

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DISCUSSION

rogue-jyn-tonic
Rogue-Jyn-Tonic

Re: ...And then I landed on a SHIELD helicarrier...

Did you superhero-land? I bet you did a superhero-landing.

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Re: Three of them held up butcher knives, one of them held up a saw.

You rock, Jill.