“The system sucks.” Image: Netflix

Over the course of just a few seasons, Black Mirror has ruined social media, political engagement, augmented reality, nerd culture, video gaming, and basically everything else—so of course love would be next. This Valentine’s Day, Black Mirror’s new social media campaign brings its True Love Test to the real world, which has given my nuptials an “expiry date.” Now, to break the bad news to the cat.

The season four episode “Hang the DJ” was all about people using a device called COACH to take care of every aspect of their dating lives, including predicting how long their relationships will last. The episode is a commentary on dating app culture, primarily Tinder—and so it only makes sense that on Valentine’s Day the app that started it all would be brought into the real world.

You can now take the Black Mirror’s COACH compatibility test with your partner. Simply send them the link, and you each have five seconds to press your personal assistant and figure out how long you’ll be together. To test it out, I sent the link to my husband. We tried it a couple of times, and ended up with either 14 or 18 years. That’s not bad, especially when you consider that Managing Editor Jill Pantozzi got 28 minutes with her partner, but it also kills our marriage before our hypothetical kids graduate high school.

Crap.

Advertisement

I asked my husband to give a statement on our impending doom: “I’m bummed, but I take comfort in knowing I only have to prepare 14 to 18 more Valentine’s Day dinners.”

Thanks a lot, Black Mirror.