So about half of last night's Bitten was a pretty compelling episode. The plot against the Danvers magnified, someone challenged Jeremy's authority as Alpha, and there was murder and torture. And then half of the episode was spent in Toronto with Dull Boyfriend and his family in Toronto where nothing happens but agony.

Seriously, there is nothing even slightly interesting about any of this shit, and even the show knows it, because by the end of "Committed" Elena has run back to Stonehaven where the action is. Here's the "highlight" reel of the human crap: Elena theoretically moves in with Dull Boyfriend, Dull Boyfriend's Awful Sister has her wedding, Awful Mom is awful, Elena tells Dull Boyfriend about being assaulted by Victor, and Logan's Slightly Less Dull Girlfriend is pregnant. None of it matters in the slightest.


Thankfully, the other parts of the episode are pretty good. People apparently know the Pack is weak, so Nick is sent to DC to talk to former friends called the Stillwells, but the dad's been murdered by Kane and the serial Killwolf, while the Stillwell son is missing. A dipshit named Sam Boggs comes to challenge Jeremy to be Alpha, but Jeremy easily kicks his ass, forces Clay to torture him to find out who sent him (he wasn't smart enough to come on his own); Clay's method of torture is admittedly pretty unique — he stands Boggs up against of one the downstairs' cage bars, and just Saran Wraps his head to it; before the guy suffocates, Clay rips a hole for his mouth. Marsden sent the guy, of course. Jeremy has Clay pull out the werewolf's teeth to show his strength (or at least that there are consequences to challenging it).

So Clay calls Elena, upset because he's "done horrible things," even though he was ordered to do those things by his pack leader and he probably couldn't refuse to do them without getting kicked out or something. But Elena has trouble of her own, seeing as Santos has shown up at Dull Boyfriend's Awful Sister's wedding, trying to convince Elena to team up with him to stay out of the war between the Pack and the Mutts (which he also claims is entirely Clay's fault, although again, if all he's been doing is following Jeremy's orders and what appears to be normal Werewolf Law, I don't know why anyone is upset specifically at him).

So as I mentioned earlier, Elena decides to head back to Stonehaven pretty much immediately after leaving there; when she gets her jacket from the coat-check, there's a present for Jeremy in her pocket, presumably left by Santos — it's the Stilwell dad's eyes, which had been carved out of his corpse. Although I'm wondering if Santos really put them there — he's been trying to fool the Pack so far, not threaten it, and most of what he says to Elena is trying to make all these problems Clay's fault. I don't think it makes sense for Santos try to trick Elena, but then give up his plan 30 seconds later and leave proof he's in cahoots with the evil Mutts for Elena in her coat. Maybe he's being set up. Or maybe it's just bad writing. I don't know. But as long as it doesn't involve Dull Boyfriend's agonizingly dull family, I'm fine with it.


Assorted Musings:

• Speaking of, I can't decide if Boggs saving his receipts in order to get reimbursed for his cross-country trip to kill Jeremy is horrible writing or legitimately the funniest fucking thing ever.


• Seriously, you guys. Half the episode in Toronto, and we don't even get an update on the Werewolf Vodka marketing campaign.

• Why didn't Samuel Boggs just turn into a wolf when he was tied up? He obviously would have broken the Saran Wrap, and I imagine his restraints, too.


• So Logan's girlfriend is getting murdered next episode, right? There's no other reason to spend three whole scenes with her in which she relays the same damn information over and over again unless they're trying to make her sympathetic before killing her off. Sorry, Bitten. You have to make characters interesting before they can be sympathetic.

Shit That Still Makes No Sense to Me About Bitten's Werewolf Society:

• Why do Pack werewolves prevent other Mutts from settling down? What good does that do? It just seems like petty harassment.


• Why, if it's Werewolf Law for Pack wolves to harass these Mutts, does everyone hate Clay? I mean, obviously he's responsible for his actions, but isn't it werewolf society that's really at fault here? Or Jeremy, because he's the one giving the orders?

• Why can Mutts challenge Alphas? Shouldn't you have to be in a pack to challenge? I mean, even if a Mutt actually won, wouldn't most members of the Pack leave anyways and become Mutts rather than serve some random asshole?


Share This Story

Get our newsletter