Being Human manages to make a wholesale vampire massacre boring

I don't know what to do with this week'sBeing Human. This entire episode felt like a large "PLACE HOLDER HERE" index card, a wobbly bridge that hopefully leads to a new set of drama.


Perhaps last week's werewolf carnage was just too hard an act to follow? Either way, I'm just not invested in Aidan's vampire politics and Sally's ghost politics as I was watching spoiled monsters snort werewolf cocaine. But maybe that's just me? Spoilers ahead...

Let me break it down fast and easy for you — in last night's episode, Aidan and his vampire Princess trick a bunch of vampire orphans (in a very clever manner) into occupying a building, which they then purchase and vampire-uninvite out from under the vampire orphans. Which means, all the orphans burn to death because they're no longer welcome in this human home. And burn they do. Clever! The only problem: I could give flying fig about every single pile of ash in that basement. Who are these people? Who cares? The whole thing feels hastily staged, so Aidan can get his vampire son Henry back.


This all leads to a slightly more interesting moment, in which the Princess asks for her pound of vampire flesh in order to forgive Henry for his vampire cheating, in the form of his skin. Henry gets skinned alive! Now that was interesting — why can't Aidan get skinned for something? Again, I don't care about this soft-curled young man. The only thing I do know about him was that he was a dick to Aidan and the Princess in a historical vampire flashback, and apparently now he's good? I've yet to make a connection with any of these new fangers. So while stripping a vampire of his skin is pretty cool, let's have it happen to someone that elicits an emotional response.

Illustration for article titled emBeing Human/em manages to make a wholesale vampire massacre boring

Speaking of inflicting pain on characters we're slightly attached too, hello Ghost Stevie! Sally decides to try out Reaping (as her attempt to kill the actual Reaper didn't work so well). Her first assignment: reap her pal Stevie. Now either Stevie has gone mad from reaping to save Sally's life, back when she almost got ghost raped, or the Reaper made it up to trick Sally into joining him. If Stevie really has gone mad, I'm completely sad we missed that — and now we're out one Stevie. It's a bummer all around. Now Sally feels like garbage, as do the viewers — because Stevie was awesome. Sad to see you go, little ghost friend.

Guess I was wrong about Sally's mom stepping in to take her reaping spot. Ah well. Now Sally is a Traveling Reaper, which could be fun. I predict Sally will try to figure out a way to become a Traveling Ghost Door Deliverer as opposed to a Reaper, given that reaping doesn't appear to be something she's comfortable with. Anyone else feel like losing Stevie was a bad move for this show?

Illustration for article titled emBeing Human/em manages to make a wholesale vampire massacre boring

And then finally there's Josh. Who's feeling lousy from last week's breakup and awesome werewolf death shake-up, so the writers call upon Josh's adorable disaster of a little sister. Who is great. I'm glad she's around. Naturally, being her she tries to double-book her drinking days with Josh's ex-fiance. And of course they wind up all together drinking and rehashing old times. The nice thing about this moment is it allows his ex some sort of closure, as Josh opens up (sort of) and reveals his fears about becoming a "monster" to her. Unfortunately, I don't actually care about this person's closure. But it was fun watching Josh be a big brother and act guilty, which he does with the charisma and charm of a puppy that just pissed on the rug in the other room.


All in all, let's kill and skin some characters that matter, okay? That way, when we hear the person screaming and begging for the sweet release of death, we'll feel something. Let's hope next week picks it up.

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The BBC version of the show is much better.