Australia Is the Latest Victim of the Global Smurf Crime Conspiracy

Illustration for article titled Australia Is the Latest Victim of the Global Smurf Crime Conspiracy

No one knows why the Smurfs went bad. Did Gargamel get ahold of them? Did they run out of Smurfberries and go madcrazy Did someone put Aggravated Assault Smurf in charge? All we know is that Australia is the latest country to suffer a Smurf-perpetuated crime.


An Australian man encountered four Smurfs upon exiting a Melbourne 7-11 on December 16. One of the Smurfs asked for a cigarette (presumably Marlboro Smurf); the man offered the Smurf one, but then the Smurf demanded he light it for him. When the man refused, the Smurfs appear to have beaten him senseless (and possibly Smurfless). The man also claims he saw the Smurfs trying to jumpstart and steal a nearby car. The footage above is of the Smurfs inside the 7-11, shortly before the attack.

This is only, unfortunately, the most recent Smurf-related crime. In 2012, a man in a Smurf hat robbed a Chattanooga, Tennessee bank. In 2010, a man wearing Smurf gang colors robbed three banks in Southern California. Clearly, there is a global Smurf crime conspiracy occurring, and we are powerless to Smurf it. Er, stop it.


The only silver lining is that the terrifying purple Smurfs have yet to be seen. Because if they show up, we are all totally Smurfed.

Click to view

[Via Gawker]

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Han Solo Stole My Nerf Herd

Woah, woah, woah.

They have 7-11 in Australia?