Illustration for article titled em​Almost Human/em is barely tolerable

Our two favorite murder-cops are back the beat, this time dealing with The Wacky Witness They Must Protect and The Evil Genius Manipulating Things from a Cell. And somehow, the show is getting stupider.


Let me first admit that I am still furious at the show for last week's debacle where our hero — and to be clear, Almost Human thinks he's a hero — gunned down an unarmed man and neither Kennex nor the show gave any indication what just transpired was morally questionable in the slightest. That said, even if I'd liked last week's episode, I'm pretty sure I would have found "Blood Brothers" idiotic.


Captain Maldonado is testifying at the murder trial of one Ethan Avery, which she's super-passionate about for no apparent reason (as in she can't even control herself when she's testifying, because she hates the man so much). The man is, of course, transparently evil, even moreso when one of the two witnesses — attending via hologram — is gunned down "in front of" the courts and he smiles smugly (directly at Maldonaldo, because he's just as meaninglessly obsessed with her as she is with him).

The other witness is named Maya, and she manages to escape. She is wacky in the sense that she believes she talks to ghosts when she touches thing. This is a gift apparently received after she took part in an experiment called Cerebellex (or something), which is supposed to allow people to use more of their brain. Did you catch that? Almost Human thinks brain surgery is the key to talking to the dead, and that sound you're hearing is the last pretense the show cares about the "science" part of "science fiction" exploding and dying.

Anyways, Maya didn't see who shot the other witness, but the ghost of the now-deceased witness tells Maya it was Avery. Wha?! But he's in jail! How is this even possible? Well, Avery did kill a reproductive doctor, so Mika Kelly suggests cloning, but Maldonado says it can't possibly be cloning because they didn't find any evidence of it, and the police definitely would have (after less than five minutes of light investigating, the police will suddenly find out that that Avery was totally involved in cloning). Also, Rudy bursts in with a vocal recording that matches Avery's, too. No one really notices that the girl who talks to dead people was correct.

Speaking of, the wacky witness needs to be wackier, so she leaves the police station to take a walk despite being in mortal danger. Kennex and Dorian chase after her. They manage to get her in a car just before Avery's clones show up and empty several million rounds into it; Kennex manages to shoot one before they get away (to be fair, at least this guy shot first) and it's... drumroll... Avery. This is the point where Maldonado yells "He's winning!" as if Avery is going to get away with these murders, despite the fact that 1) cloning is illegal, 2) his clones just tried to murder a bunch of cops, and 3) they have plenty of evidence of both, so even if he does somehow get out of the murder charge, there's plenty of shit he's obviously guilty of. Sigh.


Minka Kelly goes to Avery's mothers place, finds evidence of his clonery and his motive for killing the doctor (he was going to expose Avery's clones in a research paper) and manages to stay far away from her robot partner so her capture by the other Averys completely inevitable. The Avery Bunch demands a trade, Avery Prime for Minka Kelly, although they tell the cops they can only bring one car to the exchange, not one person, like every other fictional hostage-taker ever. Here, Almost Human does something clever (because they have a car of people to work with, you see). Maldonado walks Avery down the prison hall, ostensibly for his release, but Rudy projects it outside pf the car, so that she appears to be marching him towards the clones.

Of course, this immediately gets fucked when a bird flies through the hologram, but luckily Minka Kelly manages to free herself and Kennex shoots everybody so the day is murdered saved. Oh, except for one clone, who manages to drive away until Dorian speed-runs after the van, punches it, flips it over, and then it explodes because ALL CRIMINALS NEED TO DIE ALL THE TIME. Hell, it's amazing Avery managed to survive his arrest in the first place.


This recap doesn't account for all the terribleness in "Blood Brothers" — I've detailed some more things below — but seriously, Almost Human is a science fiction show that is now shitting on its science. And once you take out the scifi in Almost Human, all you're left with is one incredibly shitty cop show.

Illustration for article titled em​Almost Human/em is barely tolerable

Assorted Musings/Other Horrible Scenes in This Episode:

  • Why the hell do the cops-droid have giant action figure leg joints? Was that Ken doll joke really worth that ridiculous detail which will now be a fact of all the robo-cops? No, it wasn't.
  • Also, why the hell do the cop-droids wear clothes at all? Why don't they build them with armor instead of giving them fake skin and making them put on police uniforms? Ergh.
  • That scene where Avery belittles Maldonaldo for like five minutes and she slinks away without saying a word in defense, thus proving Avery completely right. I was waiting for a defiant response, a snappy line, or even a brusque dismissal so the supposedly not pathetic chief of police would appear to at least have some pride, but nope! She just walks away, sad that men don't notice her.
  • This scene is made infinitely more wretched by the scene at the end, where a man tells Maldonaldo she looks pretty today and she beams like a flower seeing the sun.
  • In the future, the police's safe houses will be lightly guarded with absolutely no outer defenses or surveillance. Good to know.
  • At Avery's mom's house, there was a letter clearly explaining Avery's motive for killing the doctor, as well as scads of evidence about Avery's illegal clones. Meaning in all the time leading up to the murder trial, no one ever bothered to investigate the house or its contents. Jesus, this show is terrible.
  • I found the Dorian's penis scene to be horrible. This might be because of my distaste from last week carrying over, or it might be because the show clearly feels that racial stereotypes are fine as long as they're complimentary. Of course the black robot has a big dick! Why wouldn't he? I look forward to learning the Jewish robots are good with money and the Asian robots are good at math.
  • Holy shit. There's no way Almost Human isn't going to give us an Asian robot that's really good at math, is there?
  • Oh, one more thing: Early in the show, Maya the psychic tells Kennex she has a vision of him watching people running while drinking bourbon. At the end of the episode, Kennex is watching soccer when Minka Kelly sits down with him, bringing a bottle of bourbon with her. Kennex is floored that Maya's vision came true, conveniently forgetting that THE LADY ALREADY CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED A KILLER WITH THE HELP OF A FUCKING GHOST.
  • What the fuck did Avery need the clones for? The show literally never said. Was it even for some evil goal? Did he just need more people to play a decent game of Clue?

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