I was going to recap last night's episode of Vampire Diaries, but instead all I want to do (with my weekend, pretty much) is watch all of the Stefan-Caroline clips on Youtube. Of which there are a lot. Turns out Stefan and Caroline are even more fun when they're both remorseless monsters. YAY!

Actually, last night's episode was pretty great in general — this show seems to be going through one of its perennial up cycles, when all the plot pistons are cranking up and down with ruthless efficiency. But the highlights of the episode were clearly all the interactions between Amoral Stefan and Amoral Caroline, who spend most of episode fucking with each other, before... well, you know.

The great thing about this storyline is, as with last week's installment, we get to see how much inhuman Caroline is still Caroline... Still kind of a control freak, still way too attached to her routine, still trying to keep everything together. She starts the episode mopping the restaurant and cleaning up all evidence of her break-in last week, and then she goes to an audition for the school musical, because duh! She's a drama major.

Advertisement

Caroline has this whole idea that she'll spend an entire year living without pain or remorse, without causing any messes — and then at the end of that year, she'll turn her humanity back on. Except that she already compelled one guy to perform surgery on Stefan's niece, and she turned Stefan into a straight-up monster. Stefan is pissed at her, or just enjoys fucking with her, or both, so he decides he's going to run her plans. See the clip above — he somehow manages to sever the head of her musical director with his teeth without her noticing, so she sings her whole audition number to him while he just sits there bleeding out. That Stefan — such a practical joker!

Caroline's idea of retaliation is to dismantle Stefan's motorcycle — not smash, dismantle. Then he escalates, and nearly kills one of her classmates, and just as they're getting kinda crazy, Enzo and Alaric Tweedle-Dee-and-Tweedle-Dum their way into the situation. And Stefan and Caroline finally find something to bond over — being annoyed at those two jackasses. In the end, Caroline admits that Stefan's way is more fun. Who gives a shit? Let's just go nuts and do our thing. We end up with them naked, nowhere near their clothes, which they left with a girl who was bleeding out in the hallway. PARTAY!

(And this is juxtaposed with Damon and Elena having happy grown up serious important regular couple sex, like good responsible grown up regular people in a doomed but still serious relationship, with human emotions.)

Advertisement

The other major plot in the episode involves Damon fetching his mom — called it last week! — right after everybody said they weren't going to let Ma Salvatore out of her 1903 prison world. Turns out she got over being a "Ripper" thanks to a coterie of vamps who are trapped in the prison world with her (although they were on the boat where she massacred everybody, so that's odd). And she claims she tried to visit Stefan and Damon after they thought she'd died, but the bloodlust was too much for her, so she had to stay away.

Basically, Damon is a total Damon to his mom. He's pissed at her, but he needs her to reawaken Stefan's humanity — because apparently, they already concluded that Elena's not going to cut it as an emotional anchor. Damon is even more upset when his mom describes her vamp friends as her family, instead of her actual sons — so he makes her leave without them, while making completely spurious promises that, sure, they'll come back to this nigh-inaccessible prison dimension and fetch them some other time. No sweat.

We leave Damon's mom sitting there, transfixed by the screen-saver on the computer, and generally getting her Ichabod on. But it's pretty clear she's going to be a problem once she realizes her son is kind of a Damon when it comes to keeping his promises. (Sorry, I can't think of a better noun than "Damon" to describe Damon's Damon-like behavior.)

Advertisement

Damon's not the only one who gets to deal with old wounds on that trip to 1903 — Bonnie lures Kai, the ex-psycho, out into the middle of the woods and then stabs him with her Crocodile Dundee knife. Bonnie's got some serious damage as a result of being stranded, tortured and nearly driven to suicide. And then she leaves Kai behind, trapped possibly forever in 1903. Until he stumbles into Damon's mom's vampire friends, one of whom had just enough blood to let him grab Kai. (Is that really the end of Kai? That would be a gutsy way to go, even for a show that's known for a high body count.)

The episode's number-one subplot is all about Alaric, who's adjusting to the fact that he's going to be a dad. He has to think about baby names! He has to maybe not volunteer to go off and get himself killed next time there's some confounded vampire idiocy. After the aforementioned Tweedle-incident, he promises Jo that he'll be really, really careful for the next 18 years until their kid is old enough to deal with having a dead father OK. This promise almost certainly will not hold firm for 18 years.

The best moment of the Tweedle-incident, though, comes when Enzo keeps trying to taunt Alaric about his boring human life: getting married, having a baby, dying, etc. Is Alaric going to nurse the child himself? Blah blah blah. And Alaric turns it back on Enzo, pointing out how pathetic and silly Enzo's revenge scheme against Stefan has been, and how it's clearly a sign of sad loneliness. Which is a frickin direct hit! So much so, that Enzo apparently decides to bid Sarah Salvatore a moderately classy farewell, and stop trying to use her as a pawn in his idiotic schemes.

Advertisement

Oh, and the kicker is that Bonnie fetched the Cure for Vampirism (remember that endless storyline?) from the other 1994. And she gives it to Damon, meaning that in theory he could give it to Elena and she could be human again — until someone sucked it out of her, like they did Katherine I guess.

Anyway, back to the Steroline youtubes!