A New Manual for the Lycanthropic Lifestyle

Illustration for article titled A New Manual for the Lycanthropic Lifestyle

Halloween brings out the creeps and ghouls, but werewolves attack any time the full moon rises. Recently bitten and don't know where to turn? The Werewolf's Guide to Life can help you adjust to a lifetime of fangs and fur.

So, you've been bitten by a werewolf. What now? Do you run wildly through the hills three nights a month, gleefully slaughtering whatever comes into your path? Do you nobly sacrifice your life before the full moon can transform you into a rabid beast? Hardly. The Werewolf's Guide to Life, by Ritch Duncan and Bob Powers, advocates safe, responsible lycanthropy and offers a thorough guide to keeping yourself, your loved ones, and the neighbors' pets safe during your hairy times of the month.

You see, being a werewolf is a lot of work.

Duncan and Powers take you through all the basics in obsessive detail, from surviving your first transformation (a moving truck and several dozen pounds of drugged raw meat will do in a pinch) to setting up your safe room (S&M experts are great at building custom rigs and not asking too many questions). They also delve into the long-term lifestyle changes that come with your new condition. Should you tell your spouse? Can you still maintain your religious faith (Remember, werewolves can't keep Kosher)? What kinds of jobs are ideal for werewolves? What do you do if you accidentally get loose and kill someone?


The Werewolf's Guide to Life is likely a must-have for fans of fur and fangs, but you don't need to be obsessed with werewolves to be charmed by its impressive thoroughness and oddball humor. It charts out the "Wolf Moons," the three days each month when werewolves transform and assigns dietary points to various foodstuffs (dog food, raw steaks, live cattle) to ensure you get enough calories and don't try to break free. There are strange little sidetrips into werewolf lore, complete with margin notes on famous werewolves (Did you know Rosa Parks became a werewolf at the end of her life?). And that's all before we get to dealing with "Fur Chasers," people who want to be attacked by werewolves in hopes of becoming werewolves themselves. The humor is usually droll, and a bit macabre (at one point, you're advised to check your stool for the remains of any potential victims), but sometimes slides into silly (a chapter on dealing with vampires bears the subtitle "Navigating Your Interactions with the Smug, Effeminate Undead).

The Werewolf's Guide to Life is a worthy successor to fantastical manuals like The Zombie Survival Guide and How to Survive a Robot Uprising. And hey, if you know someone who has recently been bitten by a large animal during a full moon, you might want to slip them a copy, too. It could just save their life.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter


Derek C. F. Pegritz

As a lifelong lycanthrope, I can confidently say that this book is Tha Shizznit. Wish it'd been around back in 1982 when I got bit by what I thought was "the neighbour's big mean dog." It would've made the next several years go a LOT smoother, and may have saved a few neighbourhood children.