A Dildo Maker Has Finally Determined What The Shape of Water's Fish Dick Looks Like

Image: Double Dare You Productions
Image: Double Dare You Productions

The Shape of Water is the story of a star-crossed affair between a mute woman and a fish man god-creature, a film that all but dares us to imagine the convoluted mechanism by which the latter’s genitalia becomes external and, uh, able to do sex stuff with a human. It’s also nominated for Best Picture now. Go figure!

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There’s no shortage of steamy scenes in Guillermo Del Toro’s brave defense of interspecies romance, and our colleagues at Jezebel even debated whether or not the fish man is fuckable. Despite all this, I was shocked to discover that there’s very little erotic The Shape of Water fanart that might clear up the question everyone who’s seen the film has wondered at least once: What’s up with the fish dick?

The only real clue we’re given by Elisa, the film’s protagonist, about how a smooth-crotched monster is capable of penetrative sex is a puzzling gesture. She takes her folded hands and slowly opens them like a book, suggesting, I don’t know, some sort of fishy dick saloon doors? Horrifying.

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WARNING: NSFW FISH DICK BELOW

She doesn’t divulge anything about the dong’s specific contours—but thanks to Tumblr user XenoCatArtifacts, a maker of monster-inspired sex toys, she doesn’t have to. The fish dick implied by but never shown in The Shape of Water is now a functional dildo.

The “Jewel of the Amazon” as it’s named, appears to be silicone and glows under UV light. Reviewers on Etsy praised its “wonderful mix of textures to explore” while reassuring potential buyers that “the ridged fins don’t feel as harsh as they look.” Unfortunately, “Jewel of the Amazon” appears to have sold out of its initial production run.

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Image: Etsy
Image: Etsy

We’ve reached out to XenoCat to learn if they’ll come back in stock for Oscars season.

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Update: Ere, the owner of XenoCat, replied over Tumblr message to confirm that the toy will be back in stock before the Oscars—although the supply will be limited to around 20.

Senior reporter. Tech + labor /// bgmwrites@gmail.com Keybase: keybase.io/bryangm Securedrop: http://gmg7jl25ony5g7ws.onion/

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DISCUSSION

::clicks link about “our colleagues at Jezebel”::
::sees that an io9 staff member was asked::

Julianne: Charles would you fuck the fish man?
Charles Pulliam-Moore: No.

So that’s the opinion of one of io9's staff, thanks for sharing. I’m glad that io9 is willing to have sex-positive articles again. That’s a good thing, it reflects on the maturity of the website, its staff, and its audience. Thanks for providing this. My only comment (besides my constant confusion on why an amphibian is called a “fish man”) is on this line:

She takes her folded hands and slowly opens them like a book, suggesting, I don’t know, some sort of fishy dick saloon doors? Horrifying.

A lot of animals have “saloon doors”. We, as primates, are the ones who are “horrifying” here, because the male external genitalia are just sitting outside of the body. But I guess “horrifying” is a subjective rather than an objective word so if it feels good to claim cloaca (and their analogues) are horrifying then that’s your jam.