Wow! What a two-parter. So many things happened in I Am Anne Frank: Part 1 and Part 2. Honestly, I was pretty worried about American Horror Story: Asylum but now I'm having a lot more fun, thanks to Bloody Face and his collection of fabulous lamps.

Spoilers ahead...

Sorry I missed last week's episode. It was a doozy. Was anyone else immediately furious that Anne Frank was cast on this show? This show has a big pair of brass ones. Thankfully, she's not Anne Frank (??) and is just completely insane. But what I really cherished about part 1 was the play on insanity. Everybody's reality gets twisted and turned. Grace claims she was a victim, but in reality she was a murderer. Kit claims he's innocent — but by the end of the episode he's ready to confess. Lana imagines herself winning the Pulitzer Prize, and is willing to subject herself to aversion therapy to convince herself that she likes men (an absolutely brutal scene). This all played in nicely with the Anne Frank plot line. All in all, I absolutely adored the perception of reality that was getting played with in Part 1. Very creepy, and very clever.

Now let's move along to PART 2!

Dr. Arden is back and licking his wounds from the bullet Anne Frank unloaded into his leg. Who is there to help? Why Sister Mary Eunice, of course. It's an absolute joy to watch actress Lily Rabe morph this character into such a creepy little beast. When she lets Kit out of solitary, her sarcastic "hurrah!" is chill-inducing. She's so nonchalantly calculating. So of course, Sister Mary Eunice ditches Shelley's (still alive) body in a place where it can do the most emotional damage — a school playground. Oh girl, you bad. With Shelly gone, the police ain't got nothin' on Arden, and now the good Doctor owes her one. If Eunice and Arden end up running this joint, heads are going to roll down that beautiful center staircase.


Speaking of ousting the Briarcliff command, Sister Jude just is off the wagon and hopping beds. Hooray! Cue the very long, completely unnecessary, but completely fantastic Jessica Lange monologue. "God always answers our prayers, [but it's] rarely the answer we're looking for." Which means: Put on the red lipstick, and go get yours, lady. Poor Jude, her reality is shattering around her.

Moving along to the next patient at Braircliff, Kit. While waiting to be sterilized, yipes, the aliens visit Grace. And guess what, Alma is alive! And pregnant! I don't know what to do with this information because I'm so completely and totally not invested in this alien subplot in any way shape or form. Can we get back to Sister's red jammies?

And finally, the BIGGEST reveal of the season. No, not that Arden is a Nazi — we knew that for sure the second this show decided to bring fake Anne Frank onto the set. No — Dr. Oliver Thredson is just a sexy doctor with a fantastic hairline. Quinto IS BLOODY FACE. BOOM!


My mind wasn't particularly blown by this reveal — but Sara Paulson and Quinto make up for the reveal with just some quality creep outs. Paulson is shaking, sputtering and losing her shit all over her hospital duds. Meanwhile Quinto just starts stroking his Bloody Face skin mask, it's very terrifying.

Granted the whole "What material do you use?" "SKIN" exchange kind of made me snort water out of my nose. But the rest was excellent. And he really does use human skin from his victims for lamp shades. As you can see right here, there are nipples on this lamp. Which, only a show that spends that much money on furniture and sets would have the murderer collect SKIN LAMPS.

So Paulson is screwed, clearly. But then again, Dr. Thredson seemed pretty captivated with the idea of "his story" being told. So maybe he will just torture her for a very, very long time next to her frozen sweetie, and then let her go. It could happen.

Honestly the actors on this show are so top notch, they can turn just about any wacky plot around, it's Lange, Paulson and the rest of the crazy cast that make this show's brand of crazy palatable. Now if only we can get Lange monologuing with the aliens. That's the ticket.

Until next week, when Not Anne Frank kills her whole family...