This is the news report that will win every single Peabody Award this year. CNN/El Paso news station KVIA recently took what was essentially a story about a "butt naked" squatter living in an abandoned building outside of El Paso and weaved it into some sort of surrealist horror drama.
"There's a nude man actually inhabiting these ruins that are up in these mountains," notes one local resident. From there, the narrative layers peels themselves off like an unknown species of sinister, sentient onion.
We see the monkey bars — where the caveman hones his prehistoric physique. We discover his tin of snakes — in liquids. Finally, we meet this Paleolithic enigma face-to-face — and we don't even know his name. Such excellence in broadcast journalism has not been seen since the debut of the Utah goat man.