It's finally here: Game of Thrones season two. You watch, or you die. (Or rather, you're dead to us.) But also, a brand new Spider-Man cartoon launches, featuring Clark Gregg as Agent Coulson and J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson! Not only that, but Leonard Nimoy is returning to the role of Spock in the weirdest way possible.
But that's not all that television has in store for us this week, by any means. Seattle's also threatening to destroy the entire planet once again, and giant maggots are attacking beach parties. And Iron Man 2099 is showing up! Plus much, much more.
Alcatraz (8 PM, FOX):
Yes, it's another two-hour block of this show, and this time it's the two-hour season finale. It can't be doing them much good to be running so often without a House lead-in. In any case, let's hope we get some actual closure on at least some of the long-running issues. Looks like we get some confrontation between Rebecca and Tommy Madsen, and also Emerson Hauser may finally be finding out what's in the secret chamber that the special keys unlock. Plus it seems likely that the warden will finally show up in the present day. Let's hope this show goes out with a bang — especially given the chance that it won't be back.
Pair of Kings (8 PM, Disney XD):
I've never even heard of this show about a pair of twins who inherit the "quirky" island of Kinkow — but the title of this episode, "Beach Party Maggot Massacre," caught my eye. Apparently the twins try to throw a beach party, but the guests are attacked by a Giant Kinkow Sand Maggot. Ah, Disney.
Being Human (9 PM, Syfy):
Here's what to expect from the latest episode of this supernatural soap opera:
Sally tries to fix a life that she ruined, Suren and Aidan look forward to their future together and Josh must choose between Nora and Julia.
Check out a sneak peek at left!
Also on TV tonight: a brand new (to Americans) episode of Lost Girl at 10 PM on Syfy (called "Faetal Justice" — apparently those Canadian fetuses are vengeful!). Also, a brand new Castle on ABC at 10.
Are We Alone? NASA's Unexplained Files (10 PM, Science):
Another special about the evidence for extraterrestrial life:
Countless mysterious objects have been caught by NASA's cameras. Many astronauts have even reported seeing unidentified flying objects. In this special, we'll reveal NASA's top ten unexplained encounters using original footage and groundbreaking interviews with astronauts and scientists. Can these phenomena be explained away through science and detective work? Or have NASA's cameras potentially captured the first traces of extraterrestrial life?
At least this time around, they're interviewing some actual astronauts and physicists. Could be fun.
Also on TV tonight: Another Unforgettable, the show about the woman with the mutant super-brain, on CBS at 10 PM.
Johnny Test (7:30 PM, Cartoon Network):
Just as James Cameron is diving to the bottom of the ocean, so is Johnny Test:
Johnny, Dukey and Mary go on a deep ocean quest to save Susan, the General and Bling Bling for an unexpected foe. Black and White help out by against mysterious deep diving vilains who seem to have it in for all of them.
Iron Man: Armored Adventures (8:30 PM, NickToons)
After a brand new Voltron Force, the animated Iron Man show gives us the three words that we've been longing to hear: "Iron Man 2099." Unfortunately, apparently Iron Man 2099 is just "an imposter from the future." Sigh. See a clip here.
Nova (9 PM, PBS):
A new episode about "Cracking Your Genetic Code":
Discover why the new era of personalized, gene-based medicine is both ominous and promising - and relevant to everyone.
Also on TV tonight: a brand new South Park at 10 PM and a brand new Ugly Americans at 10:30 PM on Comedy Central.
The Big Bang Theory (8 PM, CBS):
Leonard Nimoy returns to television — playing Spock! Sort of. In this episode, Leonard gives Sheldon some Star Trek collectables, and somehow this leads to Sheldon being haunted by his tiny Mr. Spock action figure. And the Spock toy is voiced by the one and only Leonard Nimoy, who was apparently physically on set for this role, as you can see from this photo.
The Vampire Diaries (8 PM, The CW):
All you really need to know is: Klaus is back! Thank goodness. The one vampire who actually knows how to get shit done is returning, just in time to nip Damon and Stefan's latest cunning plan (imagine that said in a Baldric voice) in the bud. This time around, Klaus threatens someone close to Bonnie, so she has no choice but to help him with a spell. And he has some sexytime with Caroline. He probably kills Damon and Stefan, too. That's followed by a new Secret Circle.
Person of Interest (9 PM, CBS):
Now that this show is one of the season's biggest hits, CBS has apparently decided it's a good idea to have long gaps between episodes. In any case, the show's back again — and it sounds like there's an interesting new spin on the "surveillance superhero" trope. This time around, the Number of the Week is someone who has no digital footprint and appears to be living a double life. Thank goodness the force-pairing app will probably still work.
Touch (9 PM, FOX):
I really want to see this show last five more seasons, so we can see what Tim Kring and company are coming up with for Kiefer Sutherland and his mute savant son to investigate by then. Touch season six would be fascinating, like when you let a bacterial culture grow out of control for weeks and then look at it through a microscope. Anyway, this time there's a homeless guy who shares the kid's weird obsession with numbers.
Awake (10 PM, NBC):
Sounds like this show is going to take several major steps forward this week — for one thing, Michael Britten's crazy behavior is going to make him a suspect in the case he's investigating, and get him on the FBI's radar. And it looks like the Captain is going to be coming down on him like a ton of bricks too. And meanwhile, Hannah takes steps towards her goal of moving to Oregon — and the shrinks in both universes believe this will make the "two universes" dreams stop.
Also on TV tonight: Community is on NBC at 8 PM, with Abed and Troy's dueling pillow and blanket forts.
Fringe (9 PM, FOX):
It's not just David Robert Jones who's back, now that we're in a brand new universe. The weird monster from season one's "The Transformation" is back too — but everything is different. And hopefully the fact that this monster is connected to David Robert Jones means that Jones himself will pop up and advance his storyline somehow.
Grimm (9 PM, NBC):
Here's what to expect from "Island of Dreams":
After the grisly murder of a familiar shop owner, Nick (David Giuntoli) joins forces with Monroe (Silas Weir Mitchell) to help solve the murder. When the shop owner's sister, Rosalee (guest star Bree Turner), comes to town, Nick thinks he may have found a new ally in the creature world. Elsewhere, Captain Renard (Sasha Roiz) enlists Adalind (guest star Claire Coffee) to cast a spell on Hank (Russell Hornsby). Meanwhile, Sgt. Wu (Reggie Lee) unwittingly becomes entangled in Adalind's dastardly plan.
Supernatural (9 PM, The CW):
Worried that this show is getting too aimless as its last few remaining episodes tick away, and the "monster of the week" episodes are getting a bit too forgettable? Worry not! This time, there's a Japanese demon that you can only see when you're drunk. And Garth, the wacky hunter played by DJ Qualls, is back. This show has it all under control.
Merlin (10 PM Syfy):
It's the fourth season finale of this British import, in which Arthur finally sets off to pull the sword out of the stone so he can be a totally awesome king. And Arthur meets up with Morgana again.
Ben 10: Ultimate Alien (9 AM, Cartoon Network):
It's the series finale! Although I'm guessing Ben 10 will continue in some form or another. Ben faces his ultimate confrontation with Dagon, and then it turns out there's an even worse villain than Dagon around. Most importantly, this episode was written by the late, great Dwayne McDuffie — and may be your last chance to see a new piece of McDuffie writing on television. It's also dedicated to his memory. It's followed by a brand new Thundercats at 9:30, and DC Nation at 10. The preceding Ben 10 episode is at left.
Seattle Superstorm (9 PM, Syfy):
That's right — Frazier is toast. This latest Syfy original movie stars Caprica's Esai Morales, plus Ona Grauger. Here's what it's about:
When a UFO crashes into Seattle's Puget Sound, it triggers unusual, deadly weather and geological phenomena. As the chaos escalates and the violent storms threaten to sweep across North America, the scientist (Morales) and soldier (Grauer) must stop the Seattle Superstorm before it spreads further - and annihilates the planet.
Being Human (9 PM, BBC America):
The original British version of this show continues, and this time:
Annie (Lenora Crichlow) accidentally kills a cantankerous old neighbor, Tom (Michael Socha) falls for geek werewolf Allison (Ellie Kendrick), and Hal (Damien Molony) gets his first date in half a century.
Also on TV today: A new My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic on The Hub at 1 PM, and a new Transformers Prime on The Hub at 8:30 PM.
Ultimate Spider-Man (11 AM, Disney XD):
The latest Spider-Man cartoon series seems to be trying to put Spidey in the same universe as the Marvel movies. At least, Clark Gregg is a series regular, voicing S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Coulson. And Pushing Daisies' Chi McBride is voicing Nick Fury. Also? J.K. Simmons, from the Sam Raimi movies, is voicing J. Jonah Jameson. The executive producers of this new show include Brian Michael Bendis, Paul Dini, Joe Casey, Joe Kelly, Duncan Rouleau and Joe Quesada. Could be fun! This two-part series opener is followed by the season opener of Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, with "The Private War of Doctor Doom."
Frozen Planet (8 PM, Discovery):
In "Winter," we follow the few "extreme survivors" who remain in the polar regions during the harsh, awful winter:
There is no greater test for life than winter, as temperatures plummet to 70 below and winds reach 200kph. Darkness and ice extend across the polar regions and only a few remarkable survivors gamble on remaining.
Also, a female polar bear treks across the winter-blighted polar regions.
Once Upon a Time (8 PM, ABC):
This week, we're delving into the origin story of the Evil Queen, before she was evil. And Black Swan's Barbara Hershey plays the Evil Queen's mother. Hopefully that means there's a scene where the Evil Queen masturbates while her mom watches.
Mythbusters (9 PM, Discovery):
It's "Fire Vs. Ice," possibly in honor of George R.R. Martin.
Game of Thrones (9 PM, HBO):
Speaking of which... it's the long-awaited return of last year's breakout hit. In "The North Remembers," a comet is seen all over Westeros, and everybody ascribes their own personal meaning to it. Plus here's what else happens:
As Robb Stark and his northern army continue the war against the Lannisters, Tyrion arrives in King's Landing to counsel Joffrey and temper the young king's excesses. On the island of Dragonstone, Stannis Baratheon plots an invasion to claim his late brother's throne, allying himself with the fiery Melisandre, a strange priestess of a stranger god. Across the sea, Daenerys, her three young dragons and khalasar trek through the Red Waste in search of allies, or water. In the North, Bran presides over a threadbare Winterfell, while beyond the Wall, Jon Snow and the Night's Watch must shelter with a devious wildling.
Also on TV tonight: Fox has at least some of its Animation Domination stuff, although no new Simpsons.