We've seen plenty of proper screwball depictions of Kris Kringle previously, but history is ripe with examples of magical pensioners who trespass down strangers' flues. Here are 10 of the more egregious examples to throw on this Yuletide bonfire of weirdness.
1.) Sint (2010)
In this Dutch film, an unworldly Sinterklaas returns from the dead and starts running rampant over the Low Countries. Incidentally, in all my travels, I have yet to find a decent Krampus film. Maybe that's because reality is way more horrifying.
2.) The Nursery Battalion
In a December 1916 issue of Illustrated World, Santa hocked the season's latest firearms (he would shill cigarettes in later decades, but he really should've been endorsing reindeer urine). Incidentally, this practice still continues today.
3.) Rare Exports (2010)
In the Finnish horror film (which we were rather fond of), Santa is a demonic, child-killing entity who has been imprisoned in a mountain in Russia...until a bunch of Americans decide to blast him out. It's just as freaky as Silent Night, Deadly Night but less so than Silent Night, Deadly Night 2.
4.) The Ratings Man from Mr. Show (1997)
In this vignette from the HBO sketch series, comedians David Cross and Bob Odenkirk reveal that Santa Claus is also in charge of all television ratings. Also, the only reason he's taken on the Christmas gig is because he's had a gun pointed at him for 500 years. Scared to immortality!
5.) Santa Claus versus The Ultimate Warrior (1996)
Years ago, former WWF wrestler and/or monologuist the Ultimate Warrior — who was simply going by "Warrior" at this point — published Warrior #0, a comic that included strange pin-ups of the Warrior torturing Santa Claus and stealing his clothing. Kids, this is why you should never smoke. Someday, it might be the Ultimate Warrior shimmying down your chimney.
6.) Rob Liefeld's Santa The Barbarian (1996)
Never one to be outdone by The Ultimate Warrior, famed X-Force helmsman Rob Liefeld published his own musclebound take on a burly St. Nick. And like any superhero worth his or her salt in the 1990s, Santa the Barbarian had his own Wizard magazine card.
7.) Santa Claus and Merlin battle Satan (1959)
In the creepy Mexican flick Santa Claus, Santa and Merlin team up to defeat Old Scratch, who wishes to murder Santa and convert all the children of the planet to the dark side. Is it of more or less critical merit than Hulk Hogan's Santa With Muscles? We'll let you be the judge.
8.) "Santa Claus Vs S.P.I.D.E.R." by Harlan Ellison (1968)
In this short story, Santa Claus is a super spy whose corpulence hides an entire suit of full of weapons. You can read a portion of this Yuletide espionage tale here.
9.) Batman — "Wanted: Santa Claus Dead or Alive" (1977)
In this short comic tale crafted by Denny O'Neil, Frank Miller and Steve Mitchell, a criminal masquerading as a mall Santa realizes he likes the gig, which causes his criminal cohorts to turn on him.
10.) Santa's Slay (2005)
What was it with the wrestlers and Santa Claus? They all seemed to have deep-seated issues with him. Anyway, Bill Goldberg played yet another demonic gift-giver with muscles, thus bringing absolutely everything in this article full circle.