Yesterday we discussed the horrors of the Russian drug krokodil. This flesh-eating heroin-like substance may seem like the most nightmarish of all nightmares, but there are plenty of other toxic (and just plain grody) substances out there, ready to be consumed for no good reason. Here are 10 more intoxicating things that would give McGruff the Crime Dog angina.
1.) Vodka Tampons and Butt-Chugging
Every few years, the media gets in a tizzy that run-of-the-mill, fresh-faced teenagers are soaking tampons in Popov and funneling sixers of Genesee Light into their heinies. The latest news station to sound the drunk orifice alarm is Phoenix's KPHO 5, who made it sound like rectal beer bonging is going down behind every other malt shoppe and sock-hop across the land. This would explain why we've never seen Archie and the gang at a kegger. And we forget Jenkem hysteria so quickly.
2.) Cobra Venom
No, I'm not talking about some variety of designer narcotic Destro and Dr. Mindbender dreamed up during a spitball session on the H.I.S.S. Tank. Earlier this year, a report in the journal Substance Abuse reported that a man in India was getting blitzed on self-inflicted cobra bites. What's the upshot of becoming intoxicated on poisonous snakes? They evidently don't cause hangovers: "The patient described the experience as a blackout associated with a sense of well-being, lethargy, and sleepiness. He slept overnight at the same place and awoke the next morning without any residual effect."
Kenyan police have cracked down on the homebrew of this alcoholic beverage in recent years. How come? In addition to the standard ingredients of millet, maize and sorghum, some less scrupulous changa'a manufacturers will add toxic chemicals (such as jet fuel) to up the buzz. Sordid brewing conditions further make street changa'a an unwise tipple.
4.) Kyrgyz Horse Marijuana
Earlier this year, Radio Free Europe reported on a method of pot harvesting that involved scraping marijuana resin off of naked men and horses. While I can by no means attest to the quality of these Kyrgyz equine smokables, I'm not sure I'd want to inhale something that's been glommed onto Mr. Ed's haunch for an entire sweaty afternoon. [Photo via Sacred Mountain]
5.) Flesh-Eating Cocaine
In a study published earlier this year in the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology, researchers discovered that necrotic tissue began developing on cocaine abusers. Why was this? An estimated 70% of all American cocaine is cut with livestock-deworming drug levamisole, which causes a dermatological doomsday in users. Don't lick your money, folks! [Photo: Dr. Noah Craft]
Like Changa'a, this low-cost Pakistani homebrew, which is sometimes brewed with toxic industrial-grade alcohol, can be adulterated with other nasty chemicals. Bad batches killed a group of men earlier this year and 22 people in 2007.
There are plenty of recipes online for jailhouse toilet wine, but none of them praise its taste. And if you make this slurry of oranges and ketchup packets incorrectly, you may accidentally poison yourself! Yay! Side note: I'm pretty sure Elvis' "Jailhouse Rock" is about an inadvertently hallucinogenic batch of pruno. Just listen to the lyrics.
In South Africa, HIV retroviral drugs are being crushed, spliced with marijuana and crystal meth, and sold under the street name Whoonga. This smokable, hallucinatory cocktail is highly addictive, which in turns creates an illicit side market for otherwise life-saving medicine.
9.) Hallucinogenic Reindeer Urine
Reindeers love drinking salty human urine, especially if you're excreting the hallucinatory compounds present in psychedelic mushrooms. And because neither Santa nor Rudolph can entirely break down these chemicals, wee-wee communitarianism reigns supreme between man and beast. And sometimes this trippy piss is utilized in the name of art.
As epitomized by this priceless scene from the 1978 Phillip Michael Thomas angel dust awareness flick Death Drug. Yes, I know PCP is easily the blandest way I could close out this article, but I'm going to keep shilling Death Drug until this lost classic gets the DVD release it deserves.
Top image by Art of the Shaman on Deviant Art.