After lasts weeks almost unicorn murder on Once Upon A Time, I was wondering how this fairy tale series would top itself. The answer? With trolls!
Last night's episode was infinitely less thrilling than watching two adult women dressed like 1980s Heavy Metal music video villains fight in front of a brown unicorn. But at least Once Upon A Time still took some time to indulge in its cheesy plotline addiction, blowing a few lines of Doritos, to the delight of the audience.
Specifically with the hilarious encounter with the Bridge Trolls (shown later in the real world as a Toll Bridge with a big "R" sharpied in between the T and O — thanks Once Upon A Time... we get it now). My absolute favorite part of this whole encounter between Show White, Prince Charming and the Trolls was when the whole thing descended into some sort of Martin Scorsese scene, along the lines of Casino. Especially when the Trolls laced into Snow White Pacino-style talk about Prince Charming, "Who's this guy, who's this guy?" This is a real thing that happened in a real show on television where people get paid money! But I'm getting ahead of myself — let's start at the very beginning.
Real World Snow White is on a really bad date with the guy from Heroes and Alias. You see she took him to a restaurant where the waitress dresses up like Hooters girls on pedophile night, and then she was really upset that her date wasn't paying any attention to her. The show goes to great lengths to make the gorgeous Ginnifer Goodwin look super dowdy and appear really meek, but all I got was...
Anyways, her date is a jerk (and also a doctor at the hospital she volunteers at — which is strange, since they don't really speak to each other about said terrible date at the hospital.) Whatever, it's all just boring details.
The big news is, Prince Charming wakes up in the real world! How so? Well Emma, Snow White's real-world daughter who isn't stuck in time unlike everyone else in Storybrooke (Ha!) Maine, gets this great idea to prove to Henry that he's really crazy by acting on his wild theory that everyone in Storybrooke (Ha!) is a fairytale character. This way, she's not just telling him he's crazy, but rather she's proving that he's crazy. Real World Snow White (whose real world name is Mary) gets in on the deal and decides she'll try and "wake" this comatose patient in the hospital that Henry claims is her Prince Charming. Look I don't like to poke holes in this tightly wound plot, but if a child asked me to do all these ridiculous tasks like reading to strangers etc. and they weren't there to witness it, in all honesty I'd probably just lie and say I did it. That's just me — this is probably why I'd make a shitty Snow White, but that's neither here nor there. Snow White reads to Prince Charming, of course, and he grabs her hand.
She freaks out, the Alias doctor calls the Mayor and boom: the next day, Prince Charmig is missing. Turns out he runs away into the river, wakes up, and has amnesia, as you do. They get him back to the hospital only to be greeted by his long lost wife (but of course, he doesn't remember her). Thus, seemingly stamping out any chance Snow White has with the coma patient!
Meanwhile in the fake world, the audience is getting to see how Snow White and Prince Charming met. Snow is an adorably furred thief on the run from the Queen, who steals a bunch of jewels from the sandy-haired Prince. Yadda, yadda —they fall in love, and Snow White saves the Prince's hide.
All in all, it was way less impressive than last week, but still very "fun." It should be interesting to see how Snow White deals with her beloved's unexpected spouse. Until then, we're left with but one question: Why wasn't Robert Carlyle in this episode more? See you next week, with Cinderella!