Tomorrow, George Lucas will release the entire Star Wars saga onto Blu-ray — but it won't be the versions you saw in theaters, because Lucas can't stop tinkering. Instead of furiously shaking our fists over the newly re-dubbed Vader screams, we've decided to be proactive.
As long as George Lucas is taking liberties with his creation, maybe he could actually make it better? Here's our list of how we wish he'd tweak the Star Wars saga.
While the rebellion has its fair share of skinny white girl commanders, but where are the female fighter pilots? The only female pilot we see is Padmé Amidala, and she's not really flying around Top Gun style. We'd love to see a few more female fighter pilots. Can we add a lady to the Red Squadron? Or, at the very least, show a woman getting suited up on Yavin for the big battle in A New Hope?
The Hush-98 Comlink/ Gillette Sensor-Excel for Women was embarrassing. Replace it with an actual gadget. Use CG, we don't care. Millions of dollars were spent making this movie, we don't need to build futuristic walkie talkies out of popular women's razors.
Make the "Shaak Ti execution" deleted scene into Ahsoka Tano Death
A very interesting suggestion from J.B. Buffington, via io9's facebook page. While we really loved the Shaak Ti character in the video game Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (or rather her dark side-turned apprentice Maris Brood) it would be pretty exciting to watch the Anakin's baby apprentice Ahsoka Tano (from The Clone Wars) die a horrible death in an actual Star Wars film. This deleted scene might be able to be tweaked digitally enough to make Shaak Ti look a lot more Ahsoka, but the only problem after is the Jedi's ridiculous response. If there was only a way to force Anakin to emote here, this could be a fun addition.
Mara Jade at Jabba's Palace in Return of The Jedi
Since Lucas is in the habit of adding things to his original trilogy, why can't we? Let's give a die-hard Star Wars fan shout out by adding in Mara Jade (Luke's future wife) into the background of Jabba's Palace in Return of the Jedi.
Create a sense of time passing in Empire Strikes Back
We often got a little confused as to how much time actually passed between Hoth and Bespin. This is an easy CG fix add a few wrinkles, some facial stubble to the cast. Make them look happy to find a place that will hide them away.
Give Padmé A Real Death
Padmé needs a better death scene — which might require a few reshoots. Or at the very least, edit down the hideous scene where we hear that Padmé has contracted a terrible case of the "I can't go ons." If all else fails, blackmail Ewan McGregor to come back and lend his voice for a horrific bit of exposition that Padmé's internal damage was greater than anyone realized, and it's too late to save her.
The War Isn't Over
Either add a scene that explains how killing the Emperor would end the war entirely — or dub in some new dialogue, making sure the audience knows that there's still a lot of work to do after Return of the Jedi. The entire government was working to stabilize the system that the Emperor built. There most certainly had to be others (with plenty of clone and drafted stormtroopers) ready to fight a bit more.
Let Han Solo Be The Pimp That He Is
A lot of great Han Solo scenes were cut out of the original trilogy. But this new release is the perfect time to include a lot more of Han doing what Han does best, making our hearts melt. Let's put these two Han scenes back in for extra Solo time, but leave out the deleted clip where he's acting like a sexist prick.
Cut The Incest Out
Cut the first kiss, keeping the second Empire kiss is debatable purely for the shit-eating-grin effect Luke demonstrates. There are too many kisses in this movie between brother and sister. Far too many. You don't have to cut the cute fake love triangle and Han/Luke competition, with all its funny bits — just the physical incest.
Give Boba Fett The Ambiguous Death He Deserves
Boba Fett's death is easily one of the all time biggest disappointments. We know that in the Star Wars novels the bounty hunter fights his way out of the sarlacc pit, so why not re-edit this scene and make his "death" look a lot more ambiguous. Add a tight shot of a gloved Boba hand holding an explosive device, then boom cut! This allows fans for hope for their favorite Star Wars action figure.
Cut Back On The Poorly Written Banter
Lots of characters banter need a hard re-edit. Boss Nass' horrible gurgles must be cut down, the battle droid's excessive use of "Roger Roger" and other moment ruining robot talk needs to be slashed in half, and Anakin's copius "Uh-Oh"s "Oops" and "Whoopie"s must be trimmed away.
Downgrade the Ewoks' Role in the Battle of Endor
Even though almost everyone would rather see a ROTJ ending that replaces the Ewoks of Endor with the Wookies of Kashyyk, but there's just no realistic way that could happen with out a time machine. But, that doesn't mean the Ewoks need to share so much screen time with Han and Leia on the Forest Moon of Endor. Cut down on most of the sticks versus blaster battles, and show a lot more stormtroopers dying by human hands. This will at least go a long way towards making the final victory believable.
Trim The Action In All of the Prequels
The Pod Race needs to be cut in half, as does every single opening action sequence of every prequel.
Replace Jedi Rocks With Lapti Nek
Keep the gratuitous CG aliens for a bonus music video on the Blu-ray box set.
New Voice For Jar-Jar Binks
While many folks would argue the deleting this character out of the prequels entirely would vastly improve the quality of the saga, we'd argue that Binks would be a much more tolerable character with a new voice (we suggest a more dignified collection of baritone voices such as Idris Elba or Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje). Naturally you'd have to trim away the majority of his goofy antics and all of shrieks, but without the calamity of annoyances that are Jar-Jar and a new sound you might be able to keep this character's annoyance to a minimum. Even this terrible voice over cut of Jar-Jar already helps a bit. Now imagine if they hired a professional and cut out every "how rude" quip.
Han Shot First
Go back and make it right, Lucas.
What did we miss? Remember, deleting everything in the prequels isn't really an option. Look at this as your chance to have fun with the franchise.
Thank you Kip Canterbury, JD Buffington, Jessica Durr, Alasdair Wilkins, and everybody who responded on our Facebook page.