True Blood's back with another historical vampire flashback that highlights Bill's punk years. It was kind of like watching your father do a beer bong while visiting you at college. But more importantly, WHERE IS REVEREND STEVE NEWLIN?
To the True Blood Pro/Con-mobile!
Pro: Jason awakes up to a good were-panther licking. Of course this is how the good folks of Hotshots clean themselves! I can just imagine the directing in this scene. "CUT. It's just not working, it's not catty enough yet. I don't feel like the unwashed-hillbilly-methface-V-juice-junkies are actually panther people as well. Can we get him to lick Jason on the head? Perfect."
By this logic, Alcide must drag his ass along the carpet whenever he has an itch he can't reach. Oh, True Blood.
Pro: Even thought Jason is tied-up and has the barrel of a shotgun in his face, he's being fairly calm and smart about this whole thing. More proof that Bon Temps people become better human beings when Sookie is not around.
Con: The first dialog bit between Sookie and Eric was not really what I was expecting. He changes from "sexy home invader fantasy" to a petulant child in mere seconds. "I want everything. I bought it! I want the world! I want the whole world! I want to lock it all up in my pocket! It's my bar of chocolate, give it to me now!"
Con: Eric continues on his downward spiral of unsexy with the "there are two Sookies" metaphor. Cripes. "I hope to hear from you girls soon." STOP IT ERIC STOP.
Pro: But on his way out, he gets back on top with a simple landlord quip. Phew. Much better.
Pro: Meanwhile, Vampire Bill is doing his best at keeping up his King Cool Vampire persona, what with his neck-grabbing and spy-witch-boinking. Remember last week when he was sitting at his desk, presumably looking over some important "vampire business" with his feet up all like "You can make me King, but I'm going to do it super cool guy style?" So yeah, more of that.
Pro: Cue the super cool guy vampire sex, because it's a requirement for all HBO shows.
Pro: The Fellowship of the Sun is back.
Con: Their anti-vampire signs are terrible. Terrible. "God hates fangs" was a great start, but where are the new witty quips or play-on-words signs? I've waited through an entire insufferable season of vampire politics, eagerly awaiting the return of the religious nut-jobs. Vampires are illegal aliens, this is the best you can do? You're better than this guys.
Con: More importantly. WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS? Rev. Steve Newlin is missing? UNACCEPTABLE. YOU BRING HIM BACK RIGHT NOW TRUE BLOOD. Newlin and his crazed homoerotic infatuation with Jason Stackhouse and raging hate boner for all vampire kind is the stuff quality villains are made of. Please be delicate with our little china doll hate monger. He's precious.
Also if you go to the Fellowship Of The Sun website you can see that he is in fact missing. CRAP! Bring him back!
Pro: On the other side of the picket line is everyone's favorite duo, Hoyt and Jessica! So many Pros go to Hoyt and his attempt to explain love in the face of so much hate. 1,000 extra points for the wild hand gestures that accompanied the "I've got love in my heart" speech. Someone make this gif now. Thanks.
Pro: "Let these good people practice their constitutional rights to be fucking idiots." Ah the words of Pam. Could this be the only adult, stable character in the whole of Bon Temps? Yes. Yes, she is. Bless you Pam, and your wonderful wardrobe. You are the the only normal person on this whole show, and you're a hundred-year-old lesbian vampire which probably says something about the humankind doesn't it?
Pro: Oh hey, this is just how I sit.
Con: You know, what this show could really use is like 8 more characters.
Pro: That being said, I kind of like the sass in the new shifter girl.
Pro: Bill's decorator is also channeling his King Cool Bill attitude. Zebra rug! Chandeliers! Abstract Art! What a nightmare. Is that a stick of coral randomly in his room?
Con: Sookie dries off and immediately heads over to Bill's for help with this whole Eric situation, which absolutely contradicts her "I don't want Bill in my life" decision (which was understandable: he did lie and almost drain her last season). But sure — Bill's a vampire, Eric is a vampire, I can see why she would turn to him for advice. But she doesn't want advice, she wants Bill (the vampire she dumped and basically told to piss off) to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Also, and this is what I really don't understand, Sookie puts on this incredibly pompous and dickish attitude to EVERYONE at King Bill's house, namely the very vampire she needs an important favor from. First, Sookie's rude to his security, then she barges into his bedroom, mocks his position, and then coldly reminds him that she hates him. One vampire favor coming up, you ungrateful little troll!
Pro: Historical Vampire Flashback!
Bill enters the world's friendliest punk bar in London back in 1982 (as so many of the punk bars in that time were). This place is basically Cheers with mohawks. Immediately, the friendly barkeep strikes up a conversation with Mr. Cool Punk Bill (seriously, this entire season seems like some wild attempt at proving to the world that at some point in his life Bill was cool, good luck with that True Blood). Anyways, Bill glamors the kindly bartender and then meets Nan Flanigan, rocking one of her many epic power suits. Can't wait for the 1990s flashback when Eric's really into ska.
Pro: Did you catch the look on Bill's face when he switches from the full beer to the empty pint, sneaky sneaky. No one will ever suspect a thing!
Pro: Bill's secret vampire business that he could never reveal is revealed via the historical vampire flashback with Nan.
Con: The secret vampire business is boring.
Pro: Here's another image of Cool Vampire Punk Bill, ha! It's just awesome.
Pro: Sookie realizes that her one year disappearance was probably a lot harder on all of her friends than it was on her (because she was only gone for 20 minutes) and apologizes to Sam. It only took about 24 hours, which is pretty fast in Sookie world.
Pro: TERRY WITH A BABY!
Pro: Even thought she's a vampire racist, I feel bad for Arlene. She's perpetuating her baby's crazy with her actions. This will not end well. Also now the baby has telekinesis, sure, why not?
Pro: Terry + Frangelico + "Video" = perfect night.
Con: Crystal's back.
Pro: Shifter lady is back and being cute on the couch. Sam needs a nice lady, maybe they could be good for each other.
Con: Hoyt and Jessica get in a fight that is 100% Jessica's fault. This makes me sad all over. Hoyt clearly didn't mean that Jessica's blood is "shit" and she knows that. They've both seen V addicts. GAH, it looks like Jessica is going down the self-destruct path. We championed this couple so hard last season, it's almost unfair to have it all ripped away so quickly. But alas, such is drama.
Pro: Tara's reunion with Lafayette is excellent. I forgot how much fun these two are together. Hooker. Also, Tara is pretty excellent at the Wiccan Book Club meeting. Perhaps she had to go away and become some sort of cartoon lesbian for me to like her. No lie, Tara's "yeah, I'll be outside" quips were delightful.
Pro: Bill and Eric yelling at each other! Just like old times! Also Pros for Eric's continued support of the low-cut man tank. Vampire man cleavage for everyone!
Con: Not sure what's worse — Queen Sophie Anne returning (albeit briefly) or Bill's horrible vampire wig.
Pro: But hey, it's okay because she's dead now. Bye bye Queen Sophie Anne, thanks for ruining vampire yahtzee for everyone!
Pro: MORE NAN. More power suits. What a delightful gift.
Pro: Bill lies to Nan about Sookie, and he is possibly the worst liar on this show.
Pro: Vampire swoosh to Fangtasia. Pam is rocking a fabulous Bowie-esque ensemble and a whole lotta lip. Even though Pam is hardly tolerating Sookie's presence, I'm shocked that she wants Sookie to be Eric's. Doesn't that just mean she'll probably have to spend more time with her?
Pro: Eric always knows how to make an entrance.
Pro: Jessica giving Sookie an earful about being a horrible stepmother. Good.
Pro: The ladies room in Fangtasia continues to live up to its standards of ridiculous. So that's definitely a little girl crying while leaning against a toilet, right?
Con: The Shifters talk about organic eggs and society and killing people and wearing their skin or something.
Pro: Fun fact, I was actually terrified of skinwalkers for most of grade school. The stories I heard were actually fairly similar to what ol' topless-in-the-woods lady is describing, plus or minus a few details. The skinwalker stories I heard included stories of men and women who could leap like rabbits and trot like deer. Also, they smelled like sheep. Anyways, good story AMIRITE?
Pro: Tommy Mickens back in the fray and being horrible again. I always liked this ridiculous I CAN'T READ pube-waving character. Particularly because the actor playing him is pretty damn good. I'm a little annoyed that it looks like the Tommy and Sam rivalry is coming back, but if that means more Tommy time, then so be it. Also, did we just watch a hawk fight? If yes, thank you.
Pro: Eric scared. This was new. Watching his teeth retract back into his mouth like a frightened puppy tail gave me the chills!
Pro: Who was Marni flashing in and out of? Someone from Eric's past? Neat little thing going on there.
Pro: This image of Jason being eaten by two CG were-panthers basically sums up everything one could ever say about this series.
Pro: So it finally happened. Eric got hexed or whatever by Marni, who fears no Viking Vampire! And now his memory has been wiped and Sookie will most likely have to care for him, thank goodness for his cubbie he built in her grandmother's house. We see a confused, shirtless Eric wandering around on the side of the road. So here's my question: at what point in his mind-wiping did he think, "This shirt? No thanks!" Where did his shirt go? Was it magically removed? Why was it removed? Why would he take it off? These are important questions that I need an answer to. And it looks like that might happen next week!
Con: No Alcide. Again!
A few of these stills were taken from the Shadow Of The Reflection screencap site (an excellent place for TB stills).