Not every cinematic Bigfoot's as dashing as Andre the Giant in a fur suit. No, some celluloid yetis and sasquatches are downright mediocre. Here are 10 of the cheapest, most inept, or grossest lost hominids ever to grace Hollywood.
10.) To Catch A Yeti
In this totally abysmal 1995 TV movie, a
yeti disgusting mewling gremlin puppet somehow ends up in Manhattan. Meat Loaf is in it as a yeti hunter who'd do anything for pelts. Mr. Loaf's Marvel Comics Special Olympics ad had a more coherent plot than this film (which I may or may not have sat through when I saw it on HBO).
On the 1987 MacGyver episode "Ghost Ship," Angus beats the myth out of an angry Bigfoot, who turns out to be a rubber-masked ruse by some dastardly oil thieves (but we hear the real Bigfoot's plaintive wail by episode's end). MacGyver defeats this fake Bigfoot by improvising the shit out of a log.
8.) The Legend of Boggy Creek
In this 1975 drama, the cryptid of Boggy Creek, Arkansas had no compunction visiting you on the bog.
7.) The Yeti from The Electric Company
I'm actually quite partial to the Yeti from the old Spider-Man Electric Company sketches. He's got a funky soundtrack like Sid and Marty Krofft's Bigfoot, and I'm of the firm conviction that all Bigfoots need their own porno themes. Still, that damn Yeti was getting his rocks off sitting in people's frozen desserts. That's unacceptable behavior, even for cryptids.
6.) Norg from Power Rangers Overdrive
Norg was a clumsy, annoying yeti who looked like an infected rectal polyp. That's all you really need to know.
5.) The Snow Creature
This was a no-budget 1954 movie about a yeti that is brought back to society, where he veeery slooowly runs amok. The final stand-off in the city sewer is probably the most boring monster movie ending ever filmed. The filmmakers recycled the same shot of the yeti walking backwards and forwards. Also, witness the most boring yeti attack in cinema history.
In this 1977 TV movie, a yeti that looks like a soiled dishrag harasses a Colorado ski resort. The monster certainly looks stupid, but it's not as horrific as the film's acting. You can watch it in full here.
3.) Sasquatch Birth Journal, Part II
This marvelously icky short film by David and Nathan Zellner was screened at Sundance 2011. Human birth is squirm-inducing enough — triple that and you've got Bigfoot reproduction. The Birth Journal cannot be unseen, but I'd rather watch it a dozen times than these two films...
2.) Little Bigfoot
Trite "kid finds baby Bigfoot" plot + a low budget that prevents Bigfoot from looking like anything but a putrid morlock + the fact that nobody can act = a movie good enough to make a sequel!
1.) Little Bigfoot 2: The Journey Home
Incidentally, Little Bigfoot and Little Bigfoot 2 both came out in 1997, which is pretty good turnaround for something nobody wanted. I'm pretty sure they subjected prisoners to this in Gitmo.