Please excuse the flippancy of the headline. I hate to sound churlish with one more episode left in Smallville's decade-long existence, but yesterday's episode, "Prophecy," was just more stopgap plotting and wheel-spinning before next week's two-hour orgy of Smallville milestones.

Case in point: Jor-El, Clark's Kryptonian computer dad (who manifests reality-warping powers as the script calls for them), saps Clark of his Kryptonian abilities and gives them to Lois. Why? It's not entirely clear, but I'm guessing this was a heavy-handed lesson about marriage.

Jor-El, being the martinet digital poppa that he is, ostensibly does this to teach Clark that a human wife is a liability and to show Lois the full burden of Clark's superheroic powers. For every minute he tarries with her, he could be stopping crimes and disasters across the globe. Lois may be a vision in burgundy, but she's ultimately a fragile distraction.


At the end of the episode, Clark unplugs Jor-El out of annoyance (and macho independence). Lois, scarred from carrying Clark's blurry yoke and being possessed by one of Toyman's contraptions, calls off the wedding.

This wasn't the most execrable A-plot Smallville's put forth (it would be tolerable if presented earlier in Season 10), but we've seen this all before: the power-switching, the breaking up, Jor-El's overly dickish lesson, and Clark getting huffy with Jor-El.

I thought Jor-El's holographic powwow with his son in "Abandoned" was a suitable closer for this father-son silliness, but "Prophecy" dredged it up to give Lois a facile reason to split with Clark. Furthermore, we know Clark will kiss and make up with her (and his digital dad) by the final episode ‚ÄĒ after all, we catch a glimpse of Clark's famous romper suit on display in the Fortress of Solitude.


Clark hated Jor-El's antics, and so did the audience. It was like Clark had become our avatar, frustrated by Jor-El's pointless bullshit when he should be dealing with Darkseid. Between Booster Gold, Clark Luthor, and Major Zod, Smallville's going out of its way to bring us foofaraw. The script conscripted Oliver and Kara to find the fabled Bow of Orion (which they found one week after we first heard about it), only to have Granny Goodness pop out of the shadows and immediately destroy it.

The garnish was the best part of "Prophecy." Stargirl showed up briefly, Supergirl joined the Legion, and we caught a glimpse of Toyman's Legion of Doom (Metallo, Dark Archer, Black Manta, Solomon Grundy, Roulette, and Captain Cold), whom I kind of doubt we'll see during the series finale's cavalcade of crazy.


It'll be a crowded 120 minutes (between the nuptials, Clark inevitably flying, Darkseid's defeat, Lex's return, and a possessed Oliver with Golden Kryptonite arrowheads), but I'm hoping an unannounced Bruce Wayne guest spot and many swigs of Campari will keep the tears to a minimum.