In unholy-army-of-the-night news, scientists have a new way to turn swarming beasts of the sea into unreasoning killers. Nothing is safe from their merciless aggression. Not . . . even . . . you.
Image via Brandon Bird.
Earlier this week, scientists announced they could use bursts of light to control the aggression centers of mouse brains. Once they zap these mice into aggression mode, all you can do is run. But where will we run to? These mind-control scientists, clearly bent on destroying us all, also have a marine unit of insane killer animals at their disposal. These animals aren't as precisely controlled, but what they lack in precision they make up for in disturbing Freudian subtexts.
The male squid isn't a particularly vicious animal, but it can be made so during mating season. How? By touching the fertilized eggs of the female. It turns out that the surface of squid eggs makes the male squid incredibly aggressive. This was discovered by chance, when researchers dove into a particularly dull squid party. A lot of males and females were floating around, showing off their tentacles, but nothing was happening. A researcher went back to the boat and brought down some fertilized squid eggs. Males floated over to the eggs and touched them, then started picking fights. As more and more males touched the eggs, the whole scene erupted into a brawl.
This might not sound dangerous right now, but the researchers did isolate the chemical, and since then have used it to incite squid violence. So far, it's only against other squid, but what happens when things get out of hand? The Humboldt squid is six feet long, a hundred pounds, pulses red, and travels in packs of thousands. How will you feel when you retreat from the mice only to find yourself getting torn to pieces by giant, red, pulsing, be-tentacled sea creatures because evil scientists control them with magic fertility orbs? The day is coming, people. Prepare yourselves.