Oh my God. Just when you thought The Cape couldn't get more sublimely ridiculous — or should that be ridiculously sublime? — television's best pajama party introduces a new supervillainess who rocks a slinky red dress and uses her quantum brain to blow shit up.

This brief scene features our new favorite line of dialogue, ever: "You're a blind spot. I didn't see you coming. It's a turn on — reminds me I'm not God." You might have thought her turn-ons included walks on the beach or soft music, but no. Her main turn on is being reminded that she's not God. Good to know.


Spoilers ahead!

Actually, the episode started off pretty great, with a creepy little girl who can predict the future — and she sees that Peter Fleming is going to kill her dad, long before it happens. This being The Cape, though, the episode quickly lowers its center of gravity to the lowest spot it can find.

Instead of just sticking with having the one character named "Dice" who's obsessed with knowing the future and games of chance, the episode decides to have every single character suddenly start talking about fate and games of chance, for no reason. At least that gives us the opportunity to watch Keith David spouting amazing lines of dialogue like, "A fortune cookie once told me, 'Our fate is fixed. It's our destiny that must be seized." Ummm... yeah.


This is the all-femme fatale episode of The Cape — you've got Mena in her never-ending array of slinky outfits, flirting up a storm with Chess and the Cape. You've got Summer Glau's Orwell, who really raises her game in response to the challenge of the Suvari — My absolute favorite bit is where Orwell, wearing one of Jennifer Garner's cast-off wigs, keeps taseing the security guard and apologizing over and over. My second favorite bit is where Orwell cuffs Dice. And then there's Raia the tattooed lady, who tries to seduce Vince by making him fail at tightrope walking and thus possibly fall to his death.

Honestly, I didn't think they made television shows this demented any more. It's like a kids' show from the early 1970s found its way through a timewarp and somehow had a bunch of money fall on top of it. Most other TV shows either settle into comfortable mediocrity or grinding idiocy — but The Cape has verve, sparkle and tons of style — all of which it dedicates relentlessly to being as silly as possible.

This would be the best episode of The Cape so far, except that the stuff about Vince's family reaaaallly drags it down. What the hell were those flashbacks about? Why did we need to see Trog trying to trap his dad using dice — except to show that he, too, can be a creepy dice-playing child? Why do we need to know that Vince was in bed before he randomly got Orwell's message that sealed his fate? And what the hell was up with Max fingering the cape before Vince was brought to him — did Max just like to finger the cape randomly while quoting fortune cookies to himself?

And then there's the running "Trog doesn't want his mom to read the comic book to him" subplot, which culminates in the greatest "reading a comic book aloud" scene ever.


Dana is way, way better at the fine art of comic book narration than Vince ever was.