On last Friday's Smallville, every main character got laid, Clark stammered cryptically about dirty dancing lessons he got from Jor-El, and Silver Banshee showed up to die immediately. It was exactly like the 1950s George Reeves serials, but with fornication.

Was last Friday's episode of Smallville any good? Not particularly. Was it harmless and unintentionally funny a lot of the time? Oh yes. In a nutshell, Clark and Lois leave Metropolis for a romantic getaway at some ramshackle bed-and-breakfast. Unbeknownst to Clark, Chloe has scheduled a sexy rendez-vous with Oliver! Rambling Rao! Meanwhile, Tess and Zod engage in their particular kink - that is, alternating between death threats and making out. They have by far the most interesting sexscapades of the episode. Zod always struck me as a leatherboy.

But wait! How can Superman do the Kryptonian crab-walk with Lois? Didn't Brodie from Mallrats address this problem a decade or so ago? Relax, viewers - Clark has been receiving "lessons" from Jor-El, so now he can shoot his pants-vision everywhere. I don't know how they do it on Krypton, but here on Earth you tend not to receive sex lessons from a computer who's also your dad.


What about the Silver Banshee? What was she doing in the Smallville universe? Well, I know Silver Banshee was never a marquee player in the normal DC Universe, but here she's haunting a bed-and-breakfast. That's just demeaning. It's like Metallo returning to take over a vending machine or something.

Also, Clark demonstrated his home improvement skills. This scene appealed to me because there's a rattling pipe in my kitchen. It's annoying the dickens out of me and made me wish I had a stare that could weld pipes.


In sum, not a ton happened this episode. Chloe's shacking up with Ollie, Zod's misleading Lois by posing as the Blur, and Clark received an erotic reward for being such a good Big Blue Boy Scout. As for Silver Banshee, she was a nice nod to fans, but Chloe figured out how to defeat her in a demeaning 40 seconds or so. It was fluffy but entertainingly fluffy, sort of like an episode of Scooby Doo in which Velma hooks up with Fred. I'm saving my excitement for Pam Grier as Amanda Waller next week. Please Wall, don't hurt 'em!

EDIT: Some readers have pointed out that Clark may not have gotten laid. I was under the impression that Clark's speech to Chloe discreetly indicated that that he had conquered his sexual hang-ups, but until Smallville doles out a Kryptonian penetration shot, let's call it a gray area.