With Lost going into its final season next year, wouldn't it be great if there was a spin-off show ready to follow it? In the we-wish-we-could-visit-it world of The Onion, there is, and it stars the show's most mysterious character.

The fake newspaper's latest edition reports on ABC's plans for Where There's Smoke, a spin-off featuring the island's Smoke Monster:

ABC sources reported that the series will transplant the evil black cloud from the island of Lost to the suburbs of Chicago, where it works as a sports radio host, surrounded by "a whole new group of crazy characters." Actress Lea Thompson has signed on to play the monster's long-suffering wife, who must put up with her husband's screwball antics while raising the couple's two rambunctious children, Tanner and Smoky, Jr... Lost producer Jack Bender has confirmed that the smoke monster will no longer be part of his show's regular cast. However, ABC has promised that Where There's Smoke will feature a number of guest appearances from Lost regulars. Sources said the pilot episode will feature an appearance by actor Michael Emerson as a slobby houseguest named Benjamin Linus who overstays his welcome, much to the chagrin of the smoke monster's wife.

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Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof: There is still time to make a fake pilot for this to show at Comic-Con this year. Please make our dreams come true.

Smoke Monster From 'Lost' Given Own Primetime Spin-Off Series [The Onion]