Just when you thought we were rid of yet another woman vying for old floppy-head's attention, Chuck brings back Brewster. And Lost's Miles outshines that Sixth Sense kid. Clips and spoilers below.
When you mess with Scott Bakula (Chuck's on screen dad), you're in for a heap of trouble. Our nerdtastic hero has to dig all the way back into his personal life and pull Jordana Brewster out of jail to save his father. Chuck is on NBC at 8 PM.
We continue on down Angela's rickety memory trip to meet her sister, while her bratty kids argue about baseball and whom mommy loved more. Heroes is on NBC at 9 PM.
What has the body of a lion and claws of an eagle? Whatever it is, Walter made it - and Charlie now has to fight it. Fringe is on Fox at 9 PM.
Sam and Morgan are under strict orders from the Devil to spend more time together. Plus all the other dudes teach us how to seduce demon girlfriends, using shower coffee. Reaper is on the CW at 8 PM.
Cupid gets political when the Earth-bound god has to match up a liberal lady with a right winged fella, because what are we, if not ridiculous stereotypes pigeon-holed into easy plot hurdles? Cupid is on ABC at 10 PM.
Learn all about the Monster that Challenged the World, on TCM at 3:15 PM. And develop a fear of evil mollusks that travel through California's efficient waterways and terrorize the residents.
Better Off Ted -
Linda "accidentally" takes uppers and Veronica tries to help Rose with her school fundraiser, but we all know why we're tuning in again... Phil and Lem. Better Off Ted is on ABC at 8:30 PM.
LIke it or not, it's a Miles-centric episode, where the writers trick us into thinking that we'll find out why or how he talks to dead people. I don't believe it for a second, but the curiosity is piqued. Now bring Daniel back, or I'm going to throw a tantrum. Lost is on ABC at 9 PM.
Time Warp -
I will never get tired of examining anything in extreme slow motion, especially flipping kitties (see below). This week, Time Warp slows down a medieval catapult, rockets and stick fights. Check it out on the Discovery Channel at 8 PM.
Time Warp Promo
Part of Discovery Channel's "Alaska Week," the boys head North and test out how a V-shaped snowplough can avoid injury by splitting in half after a collision. Check out all the Alaska-themed goodies on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.
No new UFO Hunters.
No new Smallville.
No new Supernatural.
My biggest guilty pleasure, Titan A.E is on Cinemax at 2 PM. It takes place a thousand years in the future where Drew Barrymore and Matt Damon battle killer aliens (who blew up Earth) and attempt to unify humanity. There are space angels, energy aliens, blind aliens, a jaded main character and rock music.
Jennifer Garner freaks out about being a 13-year-old trapped in a 30-year-old's body. FX is showing 13 Going On 30 at 8 PM - no doubt to promote 17 Again, the Zac Efron backwards aging flick, which is kind of the same thing.
No new Dollhouse.
Debbie Reynolds stars as a witchy old grandma who is eager for her grand kid to leave the normal world and come to Halloween Town to attend Witch U. How have I not heard about this? It's like Harry Potter for idiots. The THIRD movie in this Disney franchise will be on at 9 PM. Here is the trailer for the first one - I can't find the third as I assume it's too evil even for youtube. I'm buying the DVDs right now.
Not looking for family-friendly bad movies, but still want a laugh? White Noise 2 (you know, the movie where they talk to ghosts through static - no, not Poltergeist, the sequel to the bastardized version with smoke people and Michael Keaton) is on TNT at 12 AM.
But if you'd rather have your eyes burned out in a different manner you could always watch Star Wars Episode 1 and 2 on Spike TV at 9 PM and 12 AM.
So Kings has been moved to Saturday and it's up to us to keep it alive and kicking. So stay in and flip on your TV. This week, Macaulay Culkin stars as the creepy little doll faced nephew-to-the-King who was cast out on NBC at 8 PM.
The Syfy Channel movie War Of The Worlds 2: The Next Wave premieres tonight. Words kind of fail how ridiculous this looks. Why make it War of The Worlds at all - why not Yet Another Alien Invasion,? But if they kill that annoying teen in this sequel, who had no business surviving in the Tom Cruise version, then I will change my stance entirely. The movie is on at 8 PM on the Syfy Channel.
Get twice the Arnold Schwarzenegger for your buck, in the futuristic 6th Day flick on TMCe at 8 PM.
Spike is debuting Robert Englund and Jenna Jameson's Zombie Strippers at 10 PM. Lap dances and brains for us all!
The fantastic, Stan Winston directed, creature feature Pumpkinhead is on IFC at 11:45 PM. Join Lance Henriksen as he avenges the death of his son, with a giant pumpkinheaded demon. If you fancy yourself a monster fan, you must see this movie - preferably in a dark and dingy basement that smells like mold.