Every child of the 1980s is familiar with the disappointment that came when you realized that Ratchet was so much cooler in the Transformers comics and cartoons than his toy... and that he wasn't the only one. Now, Topless Robot has put together a list of the 9 Transformers Toys That Most Disappointed When Compared With The Cartoons, just so that you can know that you're not alone, but we're disturbed by the lack of the worst offender. Sure, Galvatron and Wheelie may have caused upset in countless homes across the world, but when it comes to crappy toys, you can't beat Megatron.To everyone who was a kid in 1984, Megatron was the toy that you wanted. Operating on the universal understanding that bad guys were inherently cooler than good guys (Exhibit A: Darth Vader. I rest my case), it made a lot of sense that Megatron — leader of the evil Decepticons, who were so evil they even based their name on the word "deception" just to fuck with your head — was easily the coolest of the bad guys. Watching the cartoon, it was easy to have this idea reinforced:
So, imagine the excitement of any redblooded American child
who — unlike someone in my home country (or Canada), where Megatron was banned because he turned into a gun (which, yes, made him even cooler. Because, come on. What is more awesome to a child than a toy that's apparently too dangerous for you to actually own?)* — found this waiting for them under the religious iconography gift identifier of their choice:
And then, imagine their disappointment when the proud, strong, evil Megatron actually turned out to look like this:
Where to start with what is wrong with this picture? How about the fact that he looks both overweight and stricken with skinny leg disease? Or the phallic imagery of the gun made even moreso by the fact that his robot crotch is pointing right out at you? His very large forehead, perhaps, may have drawn your attention, or perhaps you were distracted by his apparent shortness? Maybe it's for the best that Megatron The Toy never made it to the UK; I'm pretty sure that the law over there is such that something that was advertised as the thing on the left, yet looked like the thing on the right, may have opened someone up to legal action under the Trade Descriptions Act.
* I have since been informed numerous times by commenters that this is entirely untrue, and that Megatron was available in both the UK and Canada in the '80s. So much for my faulty memory and urban myths. Sorry, all. The 9 Transformers Toys Who Looked Nothing Like Their Cartoon Counterparts [Topless Robot]