This week's episode of the vampire-drama, True Blood, definitely made up for last weeks "johnson" moments. "Escape From The Dragon House" finally introduced the ancient vampire viking that I've been waiting weeks for, and apparently he's a goldielocks-esque skinny owner and operator of an indoor goth-kids bar — sorry, vampire bar — Fangtasia. The vampire joint reminded me of the "Goth Talk" SNL sketch of yore, but thankfully Sookie was smart enough to point it out. But more important than the budget True Blood must have allocated for fish nets and pleather is that this week True Blood seemed to be actually in on the joke that its sexuality is ridiculously over-the-top. Spoiler recap and video lovin' ahead.This week, poor Dawn is deader than a door nail and everyone assumes it's either Jason or a vampire that murdered her fang-banging hide. But what I'm more concerned with is that Jason came back to apologize (with flowers) after she practically pistol whipped him out of her house. If someone fired multiple rounds in my direction, I don't think I'd be returning to their abode, but it fits with the "Jason is dumber than a box of rocks" motif, so it works. His idiocy is slowly making him my favorite character.
Jason gets arrested by the local police and downs his stash of V-juice in the back of the squad car. This is the first time True Blood's ridiculously over-sexed storyline gets used to its advantage. The overdose makes Jason's member swell up like an eggplant, and it's hilarious. The poor boy is running around saying he has gout of the dick, and ends up in the hospital. In other vamp news, Sookie heads over to Fangtasia to snoop around for clues on Dawn and what's-her-name's deaths. There she meets Eric, the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. At no moment was I scared of Eric or his haggish door lady. His elaborate pause delivery was awful, but you know what, fine. He's gotta be sexy and I guess making someone look like an ape man (what I imagine an actual viking would look like) wouldn't fly amidst all the sexual tension between Sookie, Bill and now Eric. But he's soooooo pretty I'm starting to think the sexual tension might be between him and Bill. The writers tried to make me care more about the whole Tara and Jason unrequited love story by showing a flash back of Jason yelling at her drunkity drunk drunk mother. Ummmm, no. If I was his age and there was some wasted adult screaming at my door, I'd probably just sit down and cry. He is wise beyond his years, yet still an idiot... his heart must be made of gold. Either way, there didn't really need to be an explanation.
And finally Sam keeps acting like a were-collie by getting all up in Dawn's sheet. Cue "That Smell" music because I didn't know what he was doing in the first place, sheesh that had the subtlety of a mallet to the skull. The Pros And Cons Of This Week's TB: Pro: Bill grows a pair and finally shows what he's made of to a local cop (hot!). Pro: Jason uses a HUGE steak to cover his junk in the freezer, you know they will so cook with that later. Pro: Lots of uncomfortable banter between Sookie and Bill in this episode. It feels like a real "non-date" that you both secretly know is a date. Especially when he tells her she looks like vampire bait. Pro: Sookie makes fun of Fangtastia and relates it to a Disneyworld type vampire hangout, Bill tells her it gets darker later. Con: It doesn't. Con: Sookie orders a Gin and Tonic. There is no way homegirl drinks gin. She drinks Amstel light or vodka and tonic with diet soda. Con: Whee vampires don't run they glide on unseen skateboards. I understand that seeing Eric run would look like seeing Darth skip, but this didn't help the whole "I'm a man" attitude. Glide you gorgeous skater glide. All in all, much better than last week, right super fem Eric?