5 Cheaper Ways To Spend Black Friday

Illustration for article titled 5 Cheaper Ways To Spend Black Friday

It's the day after Thanksgiving - and according to myth, legend and credit history, the day when America goes crazy with the bargain shoppin' and credit card usin'. Yes, Black Friday is here once more, with its siren song of $4.99 DVDs and Hannah Montana Guitar giveaways... No wonder it's usually one of the top five busiest shopping days of the year. But in this current economic climate, can you really afford to spend the day shopping? We think not... And that's why we've come up with five cheaper ways to spend Black Friday.


Re-Enact Your Favorite TV Show, All The Way From The Beginning
Sure, anyone can spend the day watching every episode of Buffy on DVD, but it takes some real stamina and dedication - the kind of dedication that you possess, dear reader - to take it that one step further. You can't do it alone, of course, but that's just one of the many benefits of this unsung pasttime: Being a community organizer didn't hurt Barack Obama's Presidency chances... and he never organized a neighborhood recreation of the scene where everyone gets shot at the end of Blake's Seven.

Write That Screenplay/Novel/Comic Book That You Know That You've Always Had In You
It's the perfect time for it; you're inside, you have all manner of sandwiches awaiting you so food isn't a worry, and television is going to be pretty much uninvolving for the entire day. What better opportunity will you ever get to flex your artistic muscles and open the faucet to let your particularly creative juices flow free? (Unless, of course, your day job is being a writer. In which case, never mind; it'd be too much like every other day. You should just pay more attention to acting out the entire first Rose McGowan season of Charmed or something).


Invent Some Scientific Breakthrough That Will Revolutionize The World And Make Your Name Known In Every Household Across The Planet
I know; you're all about starting small. But look at it like this - No-one is expecting anything like this to come from you today, giving you not only the freedom from expectations, but also the element of surprise. And just think of how wide a field you have to chose from to invent within! The only limit is your imagination, which means that you already have more chance of success than the people writing Sanctuary.

Consider The Evolutionary Potential For The Perfect Turkey That Comes Pre-Cranberried For Next Year's Thanksgiving
See previous point, but also consider this: If you could make this happen, but manage to patent the genetic code required, you wouldn't have to avoid next year's sales because you can't afford to buy anything. And when we come down to it, isn't that really the point?

Spend The Day Online, Reading Blogs, Looking At Porn And Then Playing Video Games While Thinking About Ordering Pizza Or Something
When it comes down to it, Black Friday isn't even a real holiday, so why should you spend it any differently than usual just because you're not at work (Unless you are at work, in which case... Well, we feel your pain, to be honest)? Just stay in that chair and keep reading us and maybe catch up on those episodes of Knight Rider that you've been secretly hiding on your TiVo. No-one needs to know. They're all out shopping, after all.

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Finally, someone who understands the TRUE spirit of Black Friday: Getting over your Tryptophan hangover and playing Tetris until you can't feel your thumbs! Shopping for other people, Weirdos.