Everything You Need To Know About Mega Piranhas In Four And A Half Minutes

Last weekend, Syfy aired one of its signature original movies, Mega Piranha, whose title says it all. Want to know what the special properties of mega piranhas are? Allow us to show you in under five minutes.

In this flick, made by the good folks at The Asylum, the special effects are often South Park-esque. In every sense. CGI fish that look like cutouts, and whose fins go flappity flap in a most un-scary way, go zooming across the screen or sail improbably into the Florida coastline. One of the properties of a mega piranha, by the way, is that it explodes on impact. Due to . . . um . . . reasons.


One of the many, many things that rules about this movie is that it is ACTUALLY BASED ON ACTUAL SCIENCE. Yes, that's right. The mega piranhas grow big because scientists are trying to alleviate starvation in South America by genetically-engineering extra big, high-protein fish - just like scientists did with this mega-trout in real life. But that's where the real life part ends.


Why were piranhas being modified as a food source? Don't worry about that because they are growing bigger like every 10 minutes, and pretty soon they are eating everything and jumping from freshwater into the ocean! Now we're going to try to kill them with nukes! Now they are EATING NUCLEAR SUBMARINES. Also, a Navy SEAL can stop them by using their weakness for blood against them! If he shoots one of them, they will all run to it and eat it! Yay, everything is solved!

Except, what happens when they are done eating the one piranha? No, do not think about that. Focus on the positive.

Mega Piranha is showing again on Syfy this month, so set your DVR to MEGA.

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I watched enough of it to see Tiffany and know that the Piranhas weren't the only thing that had grown in size.