American Horror Story sprays the audience with its unholy afterbirth

American Horror Story is wasting no time in burning off major plot twists in every episode. Apparently nobody is safe in the Murder House. This show is burning off three season's worth of storylines, and the season's not even over yet. Spoilers ahead...

As last night's big birth episode begins, Ben is freaking out and dragging Violet to the car. She's mumbling about being sick, and Ben wants none of it. We all know that Violet is just trying to hide her secret: that she's dead and can't physically leave the house (being spirit prisoner of the magical Murder House), so she lays down in the back of the car and VOOSH is swept away.

Later on, when Vivian asks where Violet Ben just says that Violet is "having a rough time," I assumed that Ben thinks Violet just rolled out of the car at a stop light and ran home (or something) and completely believed it. But then again, many of you saw this as Classic Ben, the man who notices nothing. Just last week, he watched Moira transform into an old woman, and yet nothing. He's Mr. Oblivious, who's on camera purely for his bi-weekly towel-off scenes. Still, in Ben's defense, out of all the idiotic things that Ben has missed, ahem:


(via When the World Closed In)

I wasn't surprised that Ben missed his daughter being a rotten apple and bailing on visiting her mother in the insane asylum. You see, teenage girls aren't human beings. They're piles of rotting weasel meat. Topped with a severed crow's head. And on the third hour of everyday the creature's beak will open and shriek horrendous scales such as, "Mother! You withered hag, how can you understand the depths of my love story? We were together for three whole months. THREE MONTHS! You will never know a love like this, and NO, I will not get off the phone!" I know this because I used to be one of them. That being said, this was the episode where everything changed for Violet. The creature began to cast off her outer layers of teenage carrion and revealed an actual human inside.

For the first time in weeks Violet began to think of others. And — in the most cliched possible way I can put it — Violet had to die to come alive. Hoy hoy. And while Violet was becoming a real person, Vivian was thrown to the dogs this episode. Poor Vivian, she's really just a dumpster to be filled with tragedy and pain. This show has been shitting on her since the pilot, and now they've done killed her and ran off with her evil antichrist babies, or baby, whatever. But we'll touch more on that later.

Illustration for article titled emAmerican Horror Story/em sprays the audience with its unholy afterbirth

Did anyone catch Tate typing "utube" into Violet's computer? That wacky kid! Doesn't he know it's "youtube?" No of course not because he's been dead for thousands of years, before the days of youtube even! Anyway, I just thought that was funny moment that I wasn't particularly sure what it was doing in there. Perhaps it was put in the script to inform first time watchers that Tate is an oldish ghost. But I feel like first time watchers would be more concerned with explaining who was the tiny old man living in the basement?

Moving on. Vivian is coming home from crazy-town. But she's not setting foot inside the house — no, she wants to go straight to her sister's home in Florida. Oh ha ha, we all know that's not going to happen. Meanwhile the lovable gay couple, who trained two gorgeous furry caterpillars to rest upon Chad's lovely brow, have a plan of their own. Kill Vivian's babies when they're the "perfect" age, and raise them as ghosts forever! Of all the crazy ridiculous shit I've heard from the ghost people in this adult show about horny spirits who live in a house where everyone dies, this is actually the most sound. Good job, Chad and Blonde Person. You win the "least bat shit crazy inhabitants of this house" award.


So Violet and Tate get wind of this plan, by Chad spelling it out to them, Bond villain-style (New Girl Joke) and decide to stop it. They invite the medium over, and blah blah blah — she tells a long story about how to exorcise Chad and his Power Bottom Twink-Loving cheat. And it doesn't work. Good Story, Everyone! But during said exorcism Chad finds out that his love was going to leave him, and dumps his plan to murder Vivian's children. Phew. Easy peasy, right? WRONG.

Meanwhile Vivian has full blown pregnancy and is going to have the babies right there on the Murder House floor. Ghosts start popping out of the woodwork and wouldn'tcha know it, two nurses and an ether-sniffing doctor were murdered here, funny how that all works out. The ghost medical team delivers Vivian's baby while Ben comforts his wife, or huddles in the corner screaming and holding his knees, because HOLY FUCK, ghosts are delivering his wife's baby. The show kept cutting between helpful Ben and crazy Ben so maybe it was both? I don't know, I just work here.

Illustration for article titled emAmerican Horror Story/em sprays the audience with its unholy afterbirth

Then, Vivian dies. While part of me is cheering inside (because the whole clan of Harmons were always just taking up precious Constance time) the whole scene with Vivian covered in bloody sheets and abandoned in a home she never wanted to enter again crushed my soul.


This character was never anything but a tool for grief on this show. Vivian has no personality, no backstory, no character. The only thing we knew about her for certain was that she had the hots for the black security god (who fingers crossed is actually Jesus) and that every week, this show would just shit all over her. One reason I'm happy she's dead is, now the show will leave her the hell alone. Then again, she now has to watch her insane, sex crazed husband try and fight off a team of ghosts for her babies. So yeah, that won't be maddening. So Vivian is dead, and hopefully at peace, but with AHS' record for Vivian hate, don't count on any love for this character just yet.

What her death did wrap up was Tate and Violet. After watching her mother die because of Tate's rape, needless to say Violet was less than thrilled with her undead boy toy. So she dumped him. After spending the whole episode trying to protect a family that could pack up and leave her forever in limbo, Violet really won my love by breaking up with the monster that is Tate. Even with Tate's backstory revealed (he was rescued from Thaddeus as a little boy by the forever alone, ghost bones that is Nora, and basically raised by ghosts) none of this excuses his actions. Even if he was possessed by a spirit (which if this show throws that in at the last minute, I'll flip a table) his decision to rape Vivian directly lead to her death (also, HE RAPED VIVIAN). Violet and Tate are dunzo, foreverzo. Or at least until next week — we can't be sure. Sorry Tate lovers: That boy should be locked in a hot box for the rest of his spiritual life.


And that's where they left us. With ghost mother and ghost daughter reunited. Can't wait to see Ben try and figure this all out!

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I don't understand why all the newly dead are so blase about being killed. Travis, Vivien - they just shrug and act like, Okay, I'm dead and stuck in this gloomy house, no big deal.

Also - I realize this is trifling but still - did the exterminator not drive a truck or van to the Harmons which should still be parked outside, attracting their attention? Has no one come looking for him? Where is the dog? I love this show but they need to work on little things like this next season.