"Psychic energy is electromagnetic energy like microwaves or light, so it makes sense that it travels through cell phones." That paraphrased quote from one of the characters in One Missed Call is the perfect example of the "science talk" from this haunted cell phone movie hitting theaters tonight. Though I had few hopes for this flick, I thought maybe it would give good gore, or at least scary effects. Sadly, my paltry hopes were dashed. I wanted something a little creepier than centipedes and ugly dolls that make frowny faces. But there were two standout scenes in the movie (including a bizarro Christian reality TV moment) that were so great it made me wonder if they'd smuggled a smart writer onto the set for fifteen minutes.
One Missed Call did do one thing right: it delivered hot babes in danger with extremely tight t-shirts, which leads me to one of the best scenes (please — if you actually care about spoilers for this movie, which is scary if you do, don't read on). Hot Babe Number One is being stalked by the scary cell phone ghost, which leads her (of course) to an abandoned burned out hospital late at night. Then it leads her into a dark duct, where she finds (dum dum dum!!!) the dead burned body of the mother of the scary phone ghost girl. The body comes to life, of course, and jumps right on top of Hot Babe Number One, leaning in for a really disgusting drippy kissy necrophile moment. The effects in this scene were great, and I genuinely wasn't expecting the movie to go to the lesbian incest necrophilia place. Whoa!
The other great scene is with Hot Babe Number Three, who is being stalked by the phone ghost and decides to go on a Christian reality TV show where they do live exorcisms. OK, whoever wrote and staged this bit was a genius. First of all, they cast Ray Wise (of Twin Peaks "I killed Laura" fame) as the host. And second, it was a great chaotic freaky moment where Ray is greedily pushing his camera guys to zoom in on the terrified face of the girl, while an exorcist screams "Satan I cast you out!" at her cell phone, and dry ice flows over their feet. Of course Babe Number Three dies an inexplicable death as everybody watches, and Ray has a conniption because the ghost manages to snow out their cameras at the best moment.
If you actually do go see One Missed Call — and I hope you won't — keep a lookout for Ray Wise and try not to look at your watch too often (those little lights really bug the old ladies behind you).